Putting The Egg In V-egg-ie

(The dining hall where I work encourages vegetarian students to let staff know they’re vegetarian so that we can switch utensils when preparing food. I’m working the omelette bar.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you to—”

Student: “Change your utensils.”

Me: “Oh, are you a vegetarian?”

(I turn to grab the pan and spatula reserved for vegetarians.)

Student: “I’m not a vegetarian! I’m a vegan! Where are your vegan utensils?”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, this an omelette bar. We don’t have vegan utensils.”

Student: “WHAT!? Why don’t you have vegan utensils?”

Me: “Like I said, this is the omelette bar. Sometimes we’ll saute vegetables from the salad bar, but we don’t have any pans that haven’t touched eggs.”

Student: “That’s ridiculous! I want an omelette! How am I going to eat an omelette if you don’t have vegan utensils?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t even have egg substitute. We only use real eggs. I can’t make you a vegan omelette.”

Student: “Well what’s that?” *points at egg whites*

Me: “Those are the egg whites.”

Student: “Well those are vegan! Egg whites are vegan!”

Me: “No, they’re not. They’re still an animal product.”

Student: “Shut up! I’m a nutrition major! I know what vegan is! I demand to see your manager!”

(Suddenly, my co-worker, who is on break, walks by on his way to the drink machine.)

Me: “[Coworker’s name], can you get a manager over here?”

Co-Worker: “Sure. I’ll go find someone.” *walks off*

Student: “Stupid burger flipper! Make me a vegan omelette! I’m a nutrition major! I know vegan!”

(This rant continues in the same vein until my co-worker returns — without a manager.)

Co-Worker: “Sorry, [my name]. They’re in a meeting. You need me to stay, or can I finish my break?”

Me: “Uh, do you know how to make a vegan omelette?”

Co-Worker: *laughs* “Seriously, did someone just ask you for that?”

Student: “Yeah! I did! Tell her to make me a vegan omelette! I’m a nutrition major! I know that vegan means healthy!”

Co-Worker: *looks the girl up and down* “Look, that’s not possible. We don’t have any egg substitute. We only have eggs. Now you can let [my name] make you an omelette using the vegetarian utensils, or you can go to the salad bar. I’m going back to break. They don’t pay us enough to deal with this crap.”

Student: “Ugh! I can’t believe you’re being so rude. I’m never eating here again!”

Me: “Well if you’re not on the meal plan, maybe you can get a refund?”

Student: “I’m on the meal plan!”

Me: “You purchased the meal plan, but you’re never eating here again?”

Student: “Yeah!”

Me: “That would mean you’ll lose money, though, if you bought the meal plan and you never use it.”

Student: “Oh, just make me a f****** omelette. Egg whites, peppers, spinach, tomato, and extra cheese.”

Me: “Um, it’s not vegan cheese.”

Student: “F*** you. Just put cheese on it.”