Climbing To New Lows

(I (15) and my brother (19) both have gone to a climbing gym for eight years. I love the place to death, and hope to work their one day, but at this point I’m still too young. Because I love the place so much, I’ve been on all the offered teams, and now I will sometimes hang out while my brother is working during the junior team, for kids 7-14. Because the kids can be loud and rowdy I will help out the staff, telling kids to stop doing stupid things, etc. One day, while I’m climbing in a t-shirt with the gym’s logo on it, a woman approaches with a crying child in tow. My brother works there and is a head team coach.)

Woman: “YOU!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Woman: “A man JUMPED on my son!”

Me: “Okay, does he need ice? I can go ask a member of the staff—”

Woman: “I want the man who did this BANNED from the gym. He JUMPED on my SON! I want him BANNED!”

Me: “So, ma’am, I don’t actually work here, but if your son is really hurt, I think we should talk to someone who actually works here—”

Woman: “I will report you to your manager if you don’t ban that man right now.”

Me: “I actually don’t work here.”

Woman: “Just because your lazy a** doesn’t know how to deal with this doesn’t mean your stupid a** doesn’t work here.”

(Right then, my brother and my friend walk by and the lady just starts screaming at my friend.)

Woman: “YOU! YOU INJURED MY SON! HE’S A CHESS CHAMPION! HE CAN’T PLAY WITH A BROKEN ARM!”

Friend: *starts laughing*

Woman: “WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING, YOU A**HOLE! YOU BROKE MY SON’S ARM! HE CAN’T PLAY CHESS LIKE THIS!”

Friend: *to brother* “This kid was doing handstands while I was climbing. He got underneath me, he wouldn’t move, and I fell on him.” *to woman* “You want someone to blame? Blame your son.”

Woman: “WELL, HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW ANY BETTER! HE’S ONLY EIGHT!”

Me: “Ma’am, this gym encourages safety, and I know for a fact that the first thing they say to the team is to be careful around other climbers, so—”

Woman: “YOU! YOU LITTLE S***! THIS EMPLOYEE WAS A TOTAL B**** TO ME AND I DEMAND HE BE FIRED!”

Brother: “Ma’am, this is not an employee. He is a regular customer, and has been for the last eight years. Now, not only has your son violated a safety policy , but you have screamed at my brother and our customers for your son’s mistake. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Woman: “MY SON IS A CHESS CHAMPION, AND HE CAN’T PLAY BECAUSE HE BROKE HIS ARM! YOU KICK THIS LITTLE S*** OUT OR I SUE!”

Brother: “All due respect, ma’am, but your son didn’t break his arm. And even if he did, you can’t sue, because you signed a waiver saying you wouldn’t.”

(The woman left the gym, screaming about chess the whole time.)