Climbing The Ladder Of Crazy

(I work in an old-fashioned bookstore, with high shelves and a ladder attached to them that moves along the wall. I am standing at the very top of the ladder, balancing a box full of books between the ladder and myself. All of a sudden a customer comes racing towards me. She grabs the ladder and shoves it to one side, effectively knocking my box down.)

Customer: “It has to be right here! Where is it?!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am! Please be careful with the ladder. I’m high up and I could get hurt!”

Customer: *ignores me* “I need help finding a book. Help me now, please!”

(She then grabs the ladder again and yanks it the other way, causing me to fall off. Thankfully I hold onto the ladder, so now I’m dangling from the side of it. Another customer quickly runs over and helps me get down from the ladder.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I said I needed help! Stop helping him and help me!”

Me: “I wasn’t helping him; he was helping me get down from the ladder so that you don’t kill me! Were you trying to break my neck?”

Customer: “What? You weren’t on the ladder. I need help finding a book. I need a book that will tell me how to smoke.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I tried it and I must have done it wrong because I coughed like crazy.”

Me: “Ma’am, you came in here, nearly killed me, and you’re trying to find a book that doesn’t exist, because you think your natural reflexes are wrong?”

Customer: “Oh, I knew I should have gone to Barnes and Noble.” *leaves store*