Clients From Hell Track You Down On The Shop Floor

, , , , | Right | November 4, 2020

I am working on upgrading one of my computers and am picking up parts for it. I am wearing a suit as I was meeting with clients all day. The store doesn’t have a uniform, but the dress code is essentially dressed up minus a suit jacket. While I’m shopping, I hear a commotion at the end of the aisle and see a former client yelling at an employee.

Customer: “I demand to see a manager about your s***ty service!”

Employee: “Of course. Let me radio one for you. Is there anything else I can help with while he comes?”

Customer: *Seeing me* “No! I see one over there! I’ll get him myself, you lazy b****!”

Employee: “Um… He doesn’t wor—”

Customer: “And it’s [My Name]! I’ve worked with him before! He’ll be sure to fire you for me!”

Employee: “But he’s not a mana—”

Me: “I got this. [Customer], as you are aware, all conversations must be recorded per your contract, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to start a recording on my phone now.”

Customer: “Sure!”

Me: *Starting recording* “It is currently [time] on [date]. This is [My Name], along with [Customer’s Full Name] and…” *Looks at employee*

Employee: “Er… [Employee’s Full Name].”

Me: “Thank you. Now, [Customer], does this have to deal with [system I built for him]?”

Customer: “Um… no?”

Me: “Ah, well, then, I’ll have to charge you the ‘Out-Of-Scope’ rate as a base. And you are aware that this is outside the contract window, so this will have the ‘Emergency’ multiplier?”

Customer: “Er… okay, I guess?”

Me: “Excellent. As well, it is now [time], which means this is ‘Off-Hours Support,’ which means the rate will go up even higher?”

Customer: “Do you really have to do that?”

Me: “Only if you demand it.”

Customer: “WELL, I DEMAND THAT HE BE FIRED!”

Me: “I’ll take that as a yes, then. All in all, that will come out to [five-figure number] an hour, and as you know, I bill in increments of half-hours. Now, how can I help you?”

Customer: “FINE! THIS B**** NEEDS TO BE FIRED FOR NOT HELPING ME!”

Me: “Certainly. Let me find a manager for you.”

Customer: “YOU’RE GOING TO CHARGE ME JUST TO FIND A MANAGER?!”

Me: “I have here, on recording, you agreeing to pay me for this support. If that’s all I can do in support, then yes.”

Customer: “I… YOU… FORGET IT!”

The customer runs out of the store.

Employee: “Are you really going to charge him that much?”

Me: “Nah. I only put that stuff in the contracts so I can say that stuff and get them to leave me alone. Why was he upset, anyway?”

Employee: “He wanted me to find him an organic keyboard.”

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