Christmas Twine, Mistletoe, And Whine

(It’s Christmas Eve. The phone rings and I answer it.)

Customer: “Hello, I saw in your catalogue that you sell cooking twine.”

Me: “Yes, we do sell cooking twine.”

Customer: “I need to order some; I need it for tomorrow.”

Me: “I would be happy to reserve you some and you can pick it up later on in the day?”

Customer: “No, that won’t work; I live 60 miles away. You’ll have to post it to me.”

Me: “Are you asking me to post an item out to you so it arrives on Christmas morning?”

Customer: “Are you telling me you can’t help me? You are disgusting. You’ve ruined my Christmas and my family’s Christmas!”