Christmas Must Be A Blast With This Family

The lockdown has eased a bit and it’s finally possible to visit one’s relatives. My parents have not seen their granddaughter in months, so I bring my daughter along to see them. She does not really like to visit them anymore, because they’re constantly bullying each other, and the more audience they have the worse they become, but I get her to agree to grin and bear it. We’ve just sat down for lunch.

Father: “Jesus Christ, you’re huge. Have you considered cutting your stomach?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Father: “Have you ever thought of cutting your stomach?”

He gestures around his own generous belly.

Me: “Not really. I think three surgeries in my life were enough. Have you ever thought of minding your own f****** business?”

My father splutters in outrage.

Daughter: “MOM! What happened to ‘grin and bear it’?”

Me: “It’s fine, dear. I’m grinning and Grandpa is going to bear it.”