Making A Boob Of One’s Self, Part 7

Water Park | Friendly | May 18, 2017

(I’m walking my two sons to a water slide. We pass by a row of lawn chairs on our way to the line. In one chair is a woman breastfeeding her baby, and a woman standing in the walkway in front of her yelling.)

Woman: “Just take the towel and cover yourself up already!”

Breastfeeding Mom: “I’m sorry but it’s too hot to cover her up. I just—”

Woman: “Then go inside the bathrooms. They are cool! Or beg the lifeguards to use their break room. I don’t want to see this here.”

(I have finally gotten right next to the woman. I tell my boys to wait a minute for me and they stand next to me, surprisingly patient.)

Me: “Excuse me, lady, why don’t you leave this lady alone to feed her child and move along.”

Woman: “Excuse you. I don’t want to see—”

Me: “What? You don’t want to see what exactly? Looking at this lady here she is more covered up then I am. My bikini top is exposing more breast then she is; my stomach is hanging out with all its stretch mark glory; she is covered with a towel from the waist down. Why aren’t you offended by me?”

Woman: “Well, um, you’re just wearing the attire for this environment, She’s, well—”

Me: “She’s what? Feeding her hungry child? Leave her alone and get on with your day.” *By this point the baby is finished eating and looking sleepy; the mom is now “decent” by this woman’s standards and is burping the baby* “Now, look, she’s all done, and what exactly are you still doing here? MOVE!”

Woman: “Well, I, she was being so rude.”

Me: “Just move on before I lose my mind.”

(The woman leaves in a huff and walks up to a lifeguard that just left his post and starts complaining. He escorts her to the guard shack, probably to file a complaint or something.)

Breastfeeding Mom: “Thank you. I’m just so shy and didn’t know what to do. I just couldn’t cover her up in this heat and my husband is with my nephews swimming and, well, thanks.”

Me: “No worries. I’ve been there. If you’re not flaunting it to get attention I don’t know why people like that want to make it such a big deal. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

(My boys, who had been patiently waiting for my rant to be over, wished the mom a good day and gladly rushed to the line for the slide.)

This story is part of our Breastfeeding roundup!