Check Out With A Check

(I work at a small, boutique hotel. At about 6:15 am, a guest comes up to the desk to check out.)

Me: “How was your stay, ma’am?”

Guest: “Great!”

Me: “I see that there was a cash deposit on the room. Unfortunately, as you were told at check-in, we are not able to process the deposit at this time, as it is locked in the safe, and the person who can open it will not be here until 9 am. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

Guest: “That’s unacceptable! I can’t believe you are refusing to give me my money! I am going to complain to Corporate. Now give me my money!”

Me: “I am sorry, but I as I just explained to you, I am unable to do that at this time.”

Guest: “I don’t care! What a rip-off! You will give me my money now! I am not coming back to this h***-hole!”

Me: “No problem; we will send a check to the address we have on file.”

Me: “That’s not acceptable! I demand you f****** crooks give me my money!”

(This goes on for another 10 minutes; every time I try to explain the issues, she cuts me off. Finally, I have had enough.)

Me: *firmly* “Madam! If you would allow me to finish, the only guest we have on record for that room is a 32-year-old man. Is Mr. [Name] with you?”

Guest: “No! He said I could get it for him. Now give me my money!”

Me: “In that case, ma’am, I’m afraid you just don’t get it.”

Guest: ” Listen, fat-a**. Give me my money, or I’ll break your face!”

Me: “We have no authority to let anyone besides the registered guest receive those funds, after the room has been inspected, and the safe has been opened. Now, this conversation is over! Please leave the property before I call the police to have you removed.”

(My boss has just come in, and he also orders her off the property. When she tries to go after him, he instructs me to call 911. We finally get her to leave before the police arrive. My boss turns to me.)

Boss: “You’re too patient! She’s probably a hooker trying to score herself a tip! Call 911 first next time!”