Check Out Freak Out  

(When I am a teenager I help out at my parents’ bed and breakfast. This took place some time ago, so the numbers are fudged. A husband and wife have just approached the desk to checkout.)

Me: “Okay. What room were you in?”

Wife: “Room three. Under [Wife].”

(I quickly pull up their room.)

Me: “The total is $363.”

Wife: *shrieking* “What?! Look again!”

(I double-check the booking and nod.)

Me: “Room three, booked under the name [Wife].”

Wife: “How can it be that high?”

Me: “Well, you booked for four days at a rate of 80 dollars a night. That’s 320 there. You checked in outside of regular hours without informing us and that’s a 20-dollar charge.”

Wife: “No one told us of that charge!”

Me: *glancing at computer* “You booked online and I know our website won’t let you continue until you acknowledge the warning of that charge.”

Wife: “I don’t read those!”

Me: “Um… well, you confirmed that you had read it, so you have to pay the charge.”

Wife: “Well, that’s stupid!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you were warned about it. We can’t force you to read it.”

Wife: *huffily* “Well, what are the other charges?”

Me: “You bought a movie on cable and—”

Wife: “What movie?”

Me: “[Movie].”

Wife: “We didn’t watch that.”

Me: “Um… did you buy it?”

Wife: “Yes, but we didn’t watch it. It was stupid.”

Me: “Well… it still gets charged to your account.”

Wife: “But we didn’t watch it!”

Husband: *with a sigh* “Yes, we did. You forced me to watch it with you and you cried at the end.”

(The wife glares at him and then snaps at me:)

Wife: “Fine! What else?”

Me: “You requested a mini-bar, which adds five dollars automatically and the items taken out of it total fifteen dollars.”

Wife: “I did not!”

Husband: *holding his card out to me* “No, I did. Putting up with you on this trip made me need a drink.”

(The wife snatches the card out of her husband’s hand before I can take it.)

Wife: “It still shouldn’t be that high!”

Me: “Those are all the charges and they total $363.”

Wife: “Well, we didn’t use any soaps. We brought our own! So we shouldn’t have to pay for them.”

Me: *confused* “But you’re not—”

Wife: “And we cleaned up after ourselves! We even made the bed. So you should take that off too!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s… They aren’t individual charges. I mean…” *takes a breath* “There are certain things that are assumed when you stay in a hotel. The availability of soaps and the cleaning services are a couple. And, while we appreciate you… assisting the cleaning, there’s no individual charge I could remove from your bill.”

Wife: “But—”

Husband: “For the love of– Would you just let him run the card? I want to get home!”

(The wife splutters at him while he takes the card from her and hands it to me. I silently run the card while the wife humphs, picks up her suitcase, and leaves. I hand the card and receipt to the husband, who signs it, turns to leave, and then faces me again.)

Husband: “Sorry about her.”

(He drops a ten-dollar bill on the desk and leaves without another word.)

Me: “Thank you, sir!”