Check And Mate

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. I ordered my pizza, like, an hour ago. It’s still not here.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. May I have your phone number so I can check your order?”

Customer: “Yeah. It’s [number]. Look, I’m really upset about this. My family is hungry. I expect you to send my order out immediately. I expect not to have to pay for it since it’s been over an hour.”

(At this point, my driver has walked in. It is a slow night. He is the only driver I have working. I put the customer on hold.)

Me: “Hey, man. Are you getting back from that run out to [customer’s street]?”

Driver: “Yeah, why?”

Me: “They’re on hold right now. They’re saying you never delivered their pizza.”

Driver: *rolls his eyes and reaches into his pocket* “Here’s the check they paid me with.”

(I get back on the phone with the customer. I verify her name, address, and phone number before confronting her.)

Me: “Ma’am. My driver just returned and handed me a check. It has your information on it and is written for the amount of your order. I also note that you didn’t even tip my driver.”

Customer: *long silence* “YOUR DRIVER IS LYING! I DON’T KNOW HOW HE GOT MY CHECK, BUT HE NEVER DELIVERED MY FOOD. I WANT IT NOW!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. I’m afraid I can’t do that. Here’s the number to our corporate office if you’d like to call them about this.”

(As the customer hangs up, I hear her shouting to someone on her end of the line.)

Customer: “WHO’S THE IDIOT WHO PAID FOR THE PIZZA WITH A CHECK?!”