Cheap Customers Are A Cancer

(I work in a thrift store. We get a lot of people who try to bargain with us, but we don’t do that with our products, as we are already consistently lower than the other thrift stores in the area. We have a regular who has tried all sorts of schemes to get us to lower the price.)

Regular: “Oh, I like that [item]. And that one. And that one. Please take those out of the case so I can look at it. That’s awesome, I really want that. Wait, it’s [price] dollars?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Regular: “You know I just came from the doctor’s, and we got a test done and I might have cancer.”

Me: “Yikes. That’s a bummer.”

(While cancer is serious business, the timing of her mentioning this is suspicious. She wants a thing. Thing is expensive. Now she might have cancer. Hmm…)

Regular: “They’re going to do some more tests to confirm it, but I need to do something nice for myself to keep from flipping out about it and my family’s not being supportive right now so I’m shopping for myself only and they don’t deserve anything tonight.”

Me: “Okay.”

Regular: “Are you sure there’s no wiggle room on that [item]? Because I really like it but I don’t know… It’s not awesome enough to pay that much for it…”

Me: “We look these things up online, and then discount the retail price some 75% to 80%, ma’am. We’re not likely to go lower on it.”

Regular: “Yeah, that’s not true. There’s no way that’s 80% off.”

Me: “That’s the way we price everything, ma’am. Regardless of what we’re selling, our pricing policy is uniform across all the boards.”

Regular: “There’s still no way that’s 80% off.”

Me: “Sorry, but whether or not you believe me, that’s the price we’re selling it for. We don’t further lower prices on things until it’s been sitting around for over 30 days.”

Regular: “Are you sure you can’t discount it to like, [less than 1/3 of the asking price]? Even though I might have cancer?”

Me: “Unfortunately, that doesn’t change the answer, ma’am.”

Regular: “My God, you are so heartless! I might have cancer and you won’t even discount something for me!“

Me: *in a sickly sweet voice* “That’s right, ma’am! I totally am! Now, will you buy the [item] or shall I put it back?”

(She stared at it for a long time, huffed and puffed, complained some more about how heartless we were for not giving her a might-have-cancer discount, and stormed out without it. The item sold the very next day, to someone who didn’t feel the need to haggle.)