Certifiably, Positively Unintelligent

I work at a computer store at the returns desk. It often functions as a customer service desk, but technically there is no customer service desk as the members of staff are expected to be able to help with every aspect of their respective department; everyone’s customer service. I HATE working the returns desk, but I am allowed to be very flexible with our return policy within reason.

An hour before my shift ends, a teenager comes up to my desk hoping to return some computer parts, including RAM, a motherboard, and a CPU. He doesn’t have the receipts; however, receipts are not required as long as I can find the transactions in my Point Of Sales system. Thankfully, he has an account, and I am able to find the RAM and motherboard. I am able to give him a refund on the RAM with no issue. However, the motherboard is about fifty days old. Our return policy is thirty days, but I am feeling nice. He’s a kid, after all, and I remember how confusing I found the world when I was his age.

Me: “I can’t give you your money back, but you can exchange the motherboard for a new one or get a gift card.”

Teen: “Well, I can’t have a gift card. My dad will get mad.”

Me: “Okay, but I can’t give your money back. You are well over the return period, so it’s either a gift card or an exchange.”

Teen: “I guess I’ll get a new motherboard, then.”

Me: “Which one do you want?”

Teen: “The same one, I guess.”

At this point, I realize that I have forgotten why he wanted to return it. It isn’t required anymore, as any open product returned is sent back to the distributor for inspection, anyway. Turns out his computer wasn’t working after he put it all together, so he needs new stuff.

Teen: “Yeah, I don’t know why it’s not working.”

Me: “Okay, did you want to go look around for other stuff, or did you want me to call a salesman over to grab you another motherboard?”

Teen: “Just give me a new one. Now, are you going to refund me for the CPU?”

I haven’t gotten to the CPU yet, as I am still pretty new to returns and I am doing them one at a time to make sure I don’t mess up. Of course, I have to be careful about returns, making sure the item is the correct one and all that, but I have to be EXTRA careful with CPU returns. So, I open up the package to do my checks and I instantly realize why this customer’s computer isn’t working.

For those not in the know, the CPU is a small square chip that essentially acts as a computer’s brain. It’s a super important and extremely fragile piece of equipment. Depending on the brand of CPU, there may or may not be pins on the bottom that are essential for the functionality of both the CPU and the rest of the computer. They are extremely easy to bend and break. However, it’s also extremely easy to NOT bend or break them, so there really isn’t a good reason for someone to damage a CPU. This kid’s CPU looks like he took a hammer to it.

Me: “Well, this is why your computer isn’t working.”

Teen: “What?”

Me: “The pins are smashed. Nothing in the computer can work with damage like this.”

Teen: “Oh. Well, can I return it?”

I don’t want to say anything yet because I feel bad for the kid, but we are unlikely to take it back due to the damage and because he clearly bought it over thirty days ago as I have yet to find the receipt for the CPU. It is a pretty expensive CPU, so I am hoping that management will make an exception and let him exchange it.

Me: “I’m not finding the CPU under your account. Is there another name it could be under?”

Teen: “We could try my dad’s; his name is [Dad].”

I look up his name and no account shows up.

Me: “Uh, there’s no account under your father’s name.”

Teen: “Oh, he doesn’t have an account. I’m the only one who shops here.”

I realize that I’m dealing with a teenager who is slightly stupider than your average teenager. However, I keep my composure and keep moving forward. In a last-ditch effort, I check the transactions based on the CPU’s serial number. We have to manually attach transactions to accounts, and sometimes the cashiers neglect to do that for any number of reasons.

However, when I scan the serial number, nothing pops up. That is weird.

Me: “Did you buy this at this location or a different location?”

Teen: “Different location.”

I admit I should have asked that sooner so I could’ve pulled up the remote search window from the get-go. However, when I pull it up, it shows that he has never made any purchase at any of our other locations. He has only ever shopped at my store’s location.

Me: “Which [Computer Store] location did you buy this from?”

Teen: “Oh, I didn’t buy this from [Computer Store]. I bought this from [Massive Online Retailer].”

I just look at him silently. I don’t know how I got to this point. Why did he think we would take his CPU that he bought from [Retailer]?

Me: “Why are you trying to get a refund for a product you didn’t even buy from here?”

Teen: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You didn’t give us the money for this. You gave it to [Retailer]. Therefore, we don’t have money to give back to you. That’s at [Retailer].”

Teen: “So? I want my money back.”

Me: “Your money isn’t here. Your money is at [Retailer]. If you want your money, you need go to [Retailer].”

Teen: “So, you can’t take care of it?”

Me: “No. You did not give us money for that CPU. That CPU has no monetary value here that I can give back to you.”

Teen: “Can I exchange it?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. We don’t do trade-ins.”

Teen: “No, I want to exchange it.”

Internally, I’m banging my head against a wall. How could a teenager not understand the concept that a return can only go back to where he originally bought it from?

Me: “In order to do an exchange, you would’ve needed to buy this product here or at one of our other locations, but you didn’t. You bought it at [Retailer]. There is nothing more I can do for you. You need to send this back to [Retailer].”

Teen: “So you’re not going to help me?”

Me: “No.”

He leaves, and I am relieved that he eventually understood. Or so I thought, because not even a minute later, he comes back with my manager.

Teen: “He wouldn’t let me return this and was mean to me! I want a refund!”

Manager: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Do you have your receipt?”

Teen: “No, but I bought last month from [Retailer].”

Manager: “Why would I give you money for something that you didn’t even buy from us?”

Teen: “Are you saying you won’t give me a refund?”

Manager: “There is no refund to give, and there’s nothing I can do for you.”

The teen then storms off to a salesman.

Teen: “They were mean to me, called me names, and won’t give me a refund for my item!”

Salesman: “That’s not my department. It’s their decision when it comes to refunds.”

The teen then storms off and tries this routine over and over again, each time getting more and more upset over the next twenty minutes, until he is quite literally ugly crying to the store’s general manager about how horrible everyone was to him and how we won’t give him a refund for his CPU. The general manager then asks him to wait and comes to me.

General Manager: “Why won’t you give him a refund for his CPU? At this point, I don’t really care how old it is.”

Me: “He didn’t buy from here. He bought from [Retailer]. Ask him.”

The general manager did just that. Eventually, the teen left, tears in his eyes and without a refund. He later left me a survey review saying that I made fun of him, threw his items on the floor, and refused to give him a refund. We have cameras. My general manager had that review dismissed.

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