Cementing That Image Into Your Mind

, , , , | Learning | June 18, 2017

(We are learning sex education, and our teacher has broached onto unusual sexual practices and fetishism. Don’t ask how it happened; it just did. There have been several things listed already.)

Student #1: “Enemas?”

Teacher: “Yes, they can also used in sexual practices.”

Student #2: “What about cement enemas?”

(I know exactly where he got the question from. The teacher does not however. You can tell she is trying to imagine the logistics.)

Teacher: “I… I need to lie down.” *leaves the classroom*

Student #3: “Oh, my God! You broke the teacher!”

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  • Deadpool

    Hmm… Sounds like fun. I’ll have to try that tonight.

  • Powers

    “I know exactly where he got the question from.”

    Then maybe you should fill the rest of us in. No pun intended.

    • Jackie Fauxe

      Please. I really don’t want to have to google for the answer.

      • Captain Q

        You are wise, grasshopper.

      • Flami

        Probably a good idea if you don’t know what it’s referring to!

    • Katie Manning

      They can’t do that; if the readers actually knew WTF the story was about, it might be funny, and that’s just too big a risk to take.

      • Fluffy the Clown

        I don’t get why they blot out certain things like movie titles or other innocuous things. Blotting out names and businesses I understand as it could be tracked back to a specific person but that’s about it

        • Neil Fairweather

          The official line is basically that they don’t include names that aren’t relevant to the punchline. Presumably they are considered distracting. (I’ll check where it is in the FAQs if anyone cares.) The problem is that some submissions are from people who realise that there’s censorship going on but don’t bother to check what the rules are, and therefore delete relevant things (such as the OP’s religion, the fact that the novels being described as awful are Twilight, or the fact that the drink the customer was making a bad pun about was Dr. Pepper) or use elliptical ways to refer to companies when it isn’t directly relevant (such as the Golden Arches, the Siren, and a department store whose logo looks like a target).

          • Roq

            The result is more like a joke template than a funny anecdote.

          • Neil Fairweather

            Yes, that too.

        • Donnell Hanog

          Copyright. It works a little differently when you profit from what you’re publishing. It’s also the reason books and movies often go with Bland Name Products and WcDonald’s restaurants even when ostensibly set in the ‘real’ world.

    • Max

      It sounds vaguely familiar but I can’t place it.

    • Isa Frostborn

      Story goes that a very clever gentleman and his equally clever partner poured concrete into his butt using a funnel. It ended about as well as one would expect.

      • SwiftyJoe TheOneAndOnly

        thanks i guess?

      • Flami

        You forgot about the ping-pong ball!

    • Flami

      Ah yes, that story! I remember that one.

      And now I’m on r/wtf reading it again…

    • Christine

      I’ve posted the link, but it’s been tagged for approval and I suspect it won’t be. It’s easy enough to find. Just put in “concrete enema” and there it is.

    • Nic

      It sparked a twinge of memory in me, so I did Google it! It’s from an article some ER doctor wrote a while back, about the oddest things that he and other doctors had found in people’s rectums.

      So yeah, one gay couple apparently got a bit carried away in their pursuit of “Oh hey, what shall we try next?” – end result, one embarrassing (and painful) trip to the hospital. What’s impressive is that under anaesthetic, the doctors managed to get it out without surgery.

  • Sal

    An interesting alternate meaning to the 70’s hit “We Will Rock You”.

  • SylviasDaddy

    “The Concrete Enema” by Chuck Shepherd

  • Kitty

    …cement enemas… Is that a round-about way to talk about dildos?

    • Matty

      No, somebody poured concrete in his partner’s rectum.

  • Spotted Feather

    this makes absolutely no sense….

  • robindaybird

    Sadly, some neo-nazis and fascists in Russia used chaulk and rubber/liquid cement to give enemas to gay men they catch as a form of torture and murder.

  • Kevin Conti

    Well, on Mama’s Family, the title character once made a reference to “concrete wedgies” but she was actually talking about shoes.

  • Matt Westwood

    I… I need to lie down.

  • Kristen

    So tired of people posting stories that assume everyone will get a vague reference.

  • AliceInWeirdoLand

    Please don’t make me google this…

  • Matty

    Chuck Shepherd wrote a book of his “News of the Weird” stories called “The Concrete Enema.” According to the New England Journal of Medicine, a man had his partner pour concrete into his rectum. Thankfully, the Emergency Room doctors were able to remove the concrete without injury.

    He had some hard evidence that was a bad idea.