Caveman Times Called; They Want Your Friend Back

(This happens several years ago, when a now former friend who was in his late 40s and I are at a bar. At a table not too far away is a young woman about half his age with her boyfriend and another guy.)

Friend: “I’m going to ask her out.”

Me: “Dude, she’s already got a boyfriend.”

Friend: “I’m going to fight him for her, then.”

Me: “You’re what?

Friend: “I’m going to start a fight with them and win her.”

Me: “…”

Friend: “You got my back, right?”

Me: “You’re starting a fight for a stupid reason. Yeah, you’re on your own here.”

Friend: “But I want her…”

(He didn’t end up starting anything, fortunately for his sake, as these guys looked rather large. Incidents like this, turning aggressive when drinking, are part of why we aren’t friends anymore.)