‘Cause You’re Hot Then You’re Cold, You’re Yes Then You’re No

(I’m a few customers behind a very well-dressed family — mom, dad, and teenager — at one of those pizza places where you can add whatever toppings you want for the same price and they bake it while you wait. While mine is waiting to go in the oven, theirs comes out.)

Teen: *smelling her pizza after it is cut* “Oh, my God, I can’t eat this; it stinks!”

Employee: “You had me put Gorgonzola cheese on it, which is quite fragrant.”

Mom: “She wanted normal pizza cheese. You should have known she meant mozzarella, not gorgonzola.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, we have many customers who like gorgonzola. I just put on whatever she told me to. I will gladly remake it with mozzarella if you would like. Here are your other two pizzas.”

Mom: “You don’t expect my husband and I to eat while our little girl has nothing?”

Employee: “Okay, well, we can keep them under the heat lamps, or I can put them back in the oven, but they’ll get darker if I put them back in the oven.”

Mom: “No. Who wants burnt pizza?”

Employee: “Heat lamps it is.”

(Less than five minutes later, the new pizza is done, pulled smoking hot from the oven.)

Mom: “Now hers is hot but ours are cold!”

Employee: “I assure you, they are still plenty warm. Just because they aren’t smoking like the one fresh from the oven, it does not mean they are cold.”

Mom: “This is horrible service. I demand a refund. Get your manager!”

(The manager comes out and reluctantly gives them a refund, but of course, they’ve thrown out the receipt so he has to go back through the computer to find the amount of the sale, all of which time all three pizzas are sitting under the heat lamps.)

Manager: “Would you still like your pizzas?”

Mom: “Absolutely, we are starving!”

(They proceed to eat every bit of their “cold” pizzas.)