Caught In A Shoplifting Sandwich

I work in a supermarket petrol station but it’s a bit off-site. My coworker has left for his dinner. I’m having to deal with a customer who just drove off without paying, and I also just had a group of girls come in and run away with a bottle of ginger. I’m wondering how much worse it can get when a very drunk woman comes in.

Drunk Woman: “Have ya got anything ready to eat?”

Me: “Just those sandwiches over there.”

I turn to serve the other customers that have come in, and I catch her making some shifty movements by the biscuits. Then, she goes over to the sandwiches and grabs three, with a very suspicious-looking bulge in her jacket. I lock the door and wait to see if she tries to run out, which she does, and I run out after her.

Me: “Stop there and give me those sandwiches, and those biscuits you’ve got hidden in your jacket.”

Drunk Woman: “Fine, then.”

She dumps the sandwiches into a dump bin next to the door and starts fiddling with her jacket. Next thing I know, all this golden liquid starts leaking out and going all over the floor.

Me: “Oh, God, no. Please don’t tell me you’re peeing all over the floor!”

Drunk Woman: “I just want to go home!”

Me: “Give me the biscuits and then you can leave.”

She opens her jacket to reveal a giant tub of biscuits and, to my relief, a can of open beer, which is what spilled all over the floor, although the smell of beer is quite overpowering itself.

Me: “Right. Now, go.”

Drunk Woman: “Just let me get my sandwiches.”

She reaches over and grabs for the sandwiches. I grab them out of the way.

Me: “What?! You don’t have any sandwiches; you’ve just tried to shoplift them.”

Drunk Woman: “Let me buy them; I’ve got some money.”

Me: “What?! Leave now before I call the police for this.”

I watched as she then stumbled off in the direction of the main shop, but after a phone call, they were ready and waiting.