Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

Vis A Visa

| Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am the tired and barely attentive customer in this story.)

Employee: “How can I help you today?”

(I proceed to order my coffee.)

Employee: “And what name should I put on the cup?”

Me: “Oh. Uh, Visa.”

(The employee dutifully writes Visa on the cup without another question.)

Employee: “And how will you be paying today?”

Me: “Oh… Yeah… Visa.”

(Apparently I needed that coffee more badly than I realized.)

Transaction Turned Sour

Palm Desert, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

(There was a certain drink offered at this coffee shop that was a tangerine juice blend that had been discontinued six months before.)

Customer: *in drive-thru* “Can I get a tangerine juice blend?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that was discontinued six months ago. Can I interest you in a blended strawberry lemonade instead?”

Customer: “No, I wanted something with citrus.” *backs out of drive-thru*

Me: *to coworker* “…Does she realize the word citrus comes from the Latin word for the word ‘lemon’?”

Should Have Tried To Squirrel Away

| Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Pets & Animals

(After clocking off from work and grabbing a basket to do some quick shopping for dinner, I am stopped no more than 10 seconds into my shopping by an elderly customer looking for items. I am off the clock, but am always willing to answer questions while still in uniform, especially now that our location is undergoing renovation and a lot of customers get frustrated with the item relocation.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but where are the peanuts for squirrels, and the wild bird seed?”

Me: “Well, we moved the bird seed to [Aisle #] but I’m afraid we don’t carry peanuts for squirrels. We have corn cobs and…”

Customer: *cuts me off with a disbelieving tone* “Yes, YOU DO. I used to buy it all the time. It was over by the bananas, but now they’re not there anymore!”

Me: *thinking maybe I had missed something* “You said peanuts for squirrels?”

Customer: “Yes, they were raw, unsalted peanuts and they came in a clear package by the bananas. They’re not made for squirrels, but that’s what I feed them.”

(At this point it dawned on me she was talking about one of the many kinds of specially packaged nuts we kept in the produce section. I was wondering why she had phrased the request the way she did when a well-meaning coworker who had overheard the exchange (and knew I was off the clock), came by and offered to show her where the peanuts were moved to. That was probably the funniest exchange I’d had all day.)

A Divisive Question

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am a clerk stocking groceries. A newer, less experienced clerk approaches me to ask a question.)

Coworker: “Do we carry something called divided oil? A customer needs it for a recipe and I’ve never heard of it.”

(I went over to the baking aisle and proceeded to explain to the middle-aged female customer and my teenaged coworker what it meant when a recipe calls for one and a half cups oil, divided.)

Mexi-can’t Make Them Understand

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work in a Mexican restaurant.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss.”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Where are our burritos?”

Me: “I’ll just check with our kitchen. I’ll be back in a moment!”

(I check with the kitchen and there is no order for that table so I check our computers and no order has been put through; my manager tells me that they haven’t ordered because they have only just sat down.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but no order has been placed for this table. If you remember what kind of burritos you ordered, I can place the order now.”

Customer: “We just want the burritos.”

Me: “Yes, well, we have five different burritos.” *points to menu, which lists our burritos and has a picture of one*

Customer: “No, no, the burrito in the BOWL.”

Me: “A burrito in a bowl?”

(Another waitress walks out with the complimentary bowls of corn chips and salsa, and places them on the table.)

Customer: “Finally! See, this is a burrito.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I thought you said BURrito, not DORito.”

Customer: “No, this is a BURrito.”

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