Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

This Spells Trouble

| USA | Funny Names, Language & Words

(This story happened a few decades ago, before different spellings became more common. My father only had a few names he was unsure of the spelling, one of those names being Elise (Elyse, Aleece, etc.).)

Customer: *finishing conversation* “And this is for Elise, [Last Name].”

My Dad: “All right, and how do you spell that?”

Customer: *huffing loudly* “The right way, of course!”

My Dad: “Well, to be sure I’ve got it right; can you spell it for me?”

Customer: “Argh! A-L-I-C-E, of course!” *hangs up*

And I’ll Have Some Muslin Muslims While I Am At It

| KY, USA | Funny Names, Religion

(I worked in a fabric store and had this conversation more times than I care to think about.)

Customer: “Do you have any Baptists?””

Me: “Do you mean batiste?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Well batiste is a fabric and Baptists are a religious group.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I want three yards of Baptists.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t sell people. It’s against the law.”

Ball Games

| WI, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

(I work at a hardware store that sells seasonal outdoor games like badminton sets and the like. I ask a couple who are shopping if they need any help.)

Female Customer: “Oh, yes, actually—”

Male Customer: *interrupting his wife* “Yes, we were wondering if you carry testicle toss.”

(She immediately goes red from embarrassment and looks to me apologetically.)

Me: *laughing with the husband* “Yes, we do. That will be in our toys section this way.”

Male Customer: “What do you call it? Because we call it testicle toss!”

Me: “I see this. Most people just call it Ladder Toss.”

(She apologized again to me about her husband’s way of describing the game and they left.)

Feeling Very Sorry For Hugh

| USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

(I’m putting back returns when an older man walks towards me.)

Customer: “Hi, any chance you can help me find some hugh-mass?”

Me: “Um… I’m not sure… Oh, you mean hummus?”

Customer: “No, no, I don’t want hummus. I want hugh-mass! It’s like a dip.”

Me: “Um… yeah. I’ll show you where it is.”

(I take him over to where the hummus is.)

Customer: “Ah, here it is! My wife’s been looking for hugh-mass for weeks! Thank you.”

Me: *holding back laughter* “No problem, sir.”

Will Take A Bullet For This Job

| USA | Funny Names, Language & Words

(It is a fairly steady night, as two ladies walk up to me while I am between transactions.)

Lady #1: “Where are your Russian roulette tables?”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Lady #1: “You know Russian roulette? We heard you have it and she—” *indicating the other lady* “—wants to play.”

Me: “Ma’am, I think you mean roulette. Russian roulette is, well, a bit different.”

Lady #1: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, Russian roulette is played with a revolver.”

Lady #1: *finally realizing what she said* “Oh, my goodness!” *she starts laughing a bit*

Lady #2: “Well, do you have Russian roulette or not?”

Me: “Right this way, ladies.”

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