Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

Feeling Very Sorry For Hugh

| USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

(I’m putting back returns when an older man walks towards me.)

Customer: “Hi, any chance you can help me find some hugh-mass?”

Me: “Um… I’m not sure… Oh, you mean hummus?”

Customer: “No, no, I don’t want hummus. I want hugh-mass! It’s like a dip.”

Me: “Um… yeah. I’ll show you where it is.”

(I take him over to where the hummus is.)

Customer: “Ah, here it is! My wife’s been looking for hugh-mass for weeks! Thank you.”

Me: *holding back laughter* “No problem, sir.”

Will Take A Bullet For This Job

| USA | Funny Names, Language & Words

(It is a fairly steady night, as two ladies walk up to me while I am between transactions.)

Lady #1: “Where are your Russian roulette tables?”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Lady #1: “You know Russian roulette? We heard you have it and she—” *indicating the other lady* “—wants to play.”

Me: “Ma’am, I think you mean roulette. Russian roulette is, well, a bit different.”

Lady #1: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, Russian roulette is played with a revolver.”

Lady #1: *finally realizing what she said* “Oh, my goodness!” *she starts laughing a bit*

Lady #2: “Well, do you have Russian roulette or not?”

Me: “Right this way, ladies.”

Drinks Whatever A Spider Can

| Chesapeake, VA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Funny Names, Popular

(This takes place while I am on headset in our drive-thru.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Store]! My name is [My Name]. How may I serve you?”

Customer: “I would like a chicken biscuit. And, let’s see… Do I want anything else?”

Me: “Would you like to try a cinnamon cluster today?”

Customer: “A cinnamon cluster? I don’t like cinnamon… Nah, I’m just messing with you. I’m taking this to my wife.”

Me: “All the more reason to get something sweet.”

Customer: “You mean I’m not sweet enough?”

Me: “Well, it doesn’t hurt to have that extra boost.”

Customer: *laughs* “You have a good point.”

Me: “Can I have a name for your order?”

Customer: “Well, what do I get out of it?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “What do I get out of it if I give you my name?”

Me: “Um… we’ll give you the right food at the window.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have one.”

Me: “Does that mean I get to make one up then?”

Customer: “Sure.”

Me: “Okay, then. You’re Spider-Man today.”

Customer: *starts to sing the Spider-Man theme song*

Me: *starts laughing* “Your total comes to [total] and we’ll be happy to serve you at the window.”

(When the customer pulled up to the window and was addressed as Spider-Man, he started to sing the song again. It gave all of us in the drive-thru corner a good laugh and I made sure to tell him that he made my entire day.)

Abusing Our Good Name

| WI, USA | Funny Names, Technology

(Our tech support team works through phone, email, and chat. It is common for customers to contact us through one channel and follow up on another. I get a customer on the phone.)

Customer: “I already worked with someone in chat about this issue, but it’s still not working.”

Me: “All right, let me get the chat log called up so I see what you’ve done so far. Okay, so it looks like you told [Coworker] that the problem was [problem], and she recommended you try [basic troubleshooting]. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Yeah… wait, [Coworker]?”

Me: “Yes, you were chatting with [Coworker].”

Customer: “Really? [Coworker]?”

Me: “I have the chat log right here…”

Customer: “But I didn’t realize you actually had names!”

Me: “…um.”

Customer: “Oh! Sorry! That came out wrong. I meant I didn’t realize you used your real names in chat.”

Me: “Whew! Yeah, her name is actually [Coworker] and she’s pretty good with this stuff. Since those first steps didn’t work, though, let’s try these steps instead…”

Made A Rocky Start

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

Customer: “I’d like to order a caramel frappuccino, on the rocks.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “A frappuccino, on the rocks. Unblended. You have that, right?”

Me: “I think the closest equivalent would probably be a caramel-flavored iced latte.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ll take one of those, then! I didn’t realize they had a different name.”

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