Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

I’ll Take It Black Death

| Columbus, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Funny Names, Puns

(I am the customer in this story. I walk into my local coffee shop this morning and notice that one of the menu TVs is showing a Blue Screen of Death.)

Me: “I wasn’t expecting to see that on your menu.”

Barista: “Yeah, we have a new Blue Screen of Death Latte. It tastes like a burnt out computer.”

Me: “Mmm… Silicon Dioxide.”

Barista: “Yummy.”

Monstrous Pronunciation

, | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

Customer: “And can I have a pound of the monster cheese?”

Me: “Excuse me? What kind of cheese?”

Customer: “The monster cheese. This one.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the muenster.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, but, well, you know, I don’t know how to pronounce that. It’s too hard. Is it ‘manster’? ‘Minster’?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s ‘muenster.’”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t know how to pronounce it. Is it ‘mo-an-ster’? ‘Moon-ster’?”

Me: “Ma’am, I just told you how to pronounce it. It’s ‘muenster.’”

Customer: “Yeah, but it’s too hard to pronounce! Is it ‘mon-aster’? Is it ‘minister’?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s ‘muenster.’”

Customer: “Well, however you say it, I want a pound.”

Luciliacaca

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Funny Names

(A homeowner has stopped me, the supervisor, to ask about one of my coworkers, who I’ll call Lucille-Anne.)

Homeowner: *trumping* “I keep telling Jessica to put the materials in the other room, but she’s not listening. Can you talk to her?”

Me: “I’m sorry. Who’s Jessica?”

Homeowner: “That woman there.” *pointing at my coworker*

Me: “Her name is not Jessica, and I’ll go tell her for you now.”

Homeowner: “How am I supposed to know her name is not Jessica? I keep calling ‘Jessica’ and she won’t answer me! What’s her name?”

Me: “L.A. or Lucy.”

Homeowner: “Is that the same name?”

Me: “No, but she answers to either. Her name is actually Lucille-Anne but she won’t answer to that. Just call her L.A. or Lucy.”

Homeowner: *happy again* “Okay, I’ll go tell her myself.” *wanders off calling* “Lucica! Lucica!”

Me: *calling after her* “That’s still not her name!”

At War With ‘Z’

| WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

(All of our patron and ticket data is stored in a database. We generally print the tickets two hours before a show, but patrons can pick up their tickets early provided they give us the name it was purchased under. When we pull up their file, we are instructed to read off their address to confirm that we have the right person as we do have multiple people with the same name.)

Patron: “Hi, I’m here to pick up tickets for Melissa [Last Name] for [date].”

(I search her name. There is only one result but I read the address anyway.)

Me: “Sure. Melissa at [Address #1]?”

Patron: “That’s me!”

Me: *opening her account* “I don’t see any tickets here. Were they maybe purchased under someone else’s name?”

Patron: “No, they should be under mine. Melissa [Last Name] for [date].”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have anything here.”

Patron: “But they’re for [date]! I purchased them!” *getting upset*

Me: “Do you remember what seats you bought? Even the general area?”

Patron: “Oh… I think they were in row E… somewhere in the middle.”

(I open up our seating chart for her date and looking over the purchased seats, I find what I believe are hers…)

Me: “Er… Would that be Meliza? With a ‘Z’?”

Patron: “Oh! Yes!”

Me: *pulling up her ACTUAL file; it has a completely different address* “And you’re at [Address #2]?”

Patron: “Correct.”

Me: “So not [Address #1]?”

Patron: “What? No. [Address #2]. I’ve never lived at [Address #1]!”

Me: “Good to know. All right, then.” *I print out her tickets and give them to her* “You’re all set! Have a good one!”

(She left and I waited until she’s gone before I face-palmed. Seriously, if you have an unusual spelling please mention it. And don’t just tune employees out when they’re confirming your information. This happens WAY too often.)

Would Have Been Prudent To Look That Up Before Asking

| Washington, DC, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Language & Words

(The customer in front of me is paying for her groceries and notices the cashier’s name tag.)

Customer: “Oh, ‘Prudence,’ what a lovely name!”

Cashier: “Thank you, ma’am.”

Customer: “What does it mean?”

Cashier: “It means ‘wisdom’ or ‘good judgment.’”

Customer: “Wonderful! And what language is it?”

Cashier: “Umm… English.”

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