Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

At War With ‘Z’

| WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

(All of our patron and ticket data is stored in a database. We generally print the tickets two hours before a show, but patrons can pick up their tickets early provided they give us the name it was purchased under. When we pull up their file, we are instructed to read off their address to confirm that we have the right person as we do have multiple people with the same name.)

Patron: “Hi, I’m here to pick up tickets for Melissa [Last Name] for [date].”

(I search her name. There is only one result but I read the address anyway.)

Me: “Sure. Melissa at [Address #1]?”

Patron: “That’s me!”

Me: *opening her account* “I don’t see any tickets here. Were they maybe purchased under someone else’s name?”

Patron: “No, they should be under mine. Melissa [Last Name] for [date].”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have anything here.”

Patron: “But they’re for [date]! I purchased them!” *getting upset*

Me: “Do you remember what seats you bought? Even the general area?”

Patron: “Oh… I think they were in row E… somewhere in the middle.”

(I open up our seating chart for her date and looking over the purchased seats, I find what I believe are hers…)

Me: “Er… Would that be Meliza? With a ‘Z’?”

Patron: “Oh! Yes!”

Me: *pulling up her ACTUAL file; it has a completely different address* “And you’re at [Address #2]?”

Patron: “Correct.”

Me: “So not [Address #1]?”

Patron: “What? No. [Address #2]. I’ve never lived at [Address #1]!”

Me: “Good to know. All right, then.” *I print out her tickets and give them to her* “You’re all set! Have a good one!”

(She left and I waited until she’s gone before I face-palmed. Seriously, if you have an unusual spelling please mention it. And don’t just tune employees out when they’re confirming your information. This happens WAY too often.)

Would Have Been Prudent To Look That Up Before Asking

| Washington, DC, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Language & Words

(The customer in front of me is paying for her groceries and notices the cashier’s name tag.)

Customer: “Oh, ‘Prudence,’ what a lovely name!”

Cashier: “Thank you, ma’am.”

Customer: “What does it mean?”

Cashier: “It means ‘wisdom’ or ‘good judgment.’”

Customer: “Wonderful! And what language is it?”

Cashier: “Umm… English.”

John Carpenter’s: Hamlet

, | Stratford-Upon-Avon, England, UK | Books & Reading, Funny Names

(I work in the gift shop at one of Shakespeare’s houses, and we get a lot of silly questions.)

Customer: “Does The Merchant of Venice have another name?”

Me: “It was occasionally called The Jew of Venice a long time ago but nobody calls it that now for obvious reasons.”

Customer: “Well, in the museum there was a list of all the plays and I couldn’t find it on there. Does it have another name? Like a subtitle?”

Me: “Um… no, I’m afraid not. It must have been on there somewhere.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought it might have another name – you know, like how Hamlet gets called Hamlet, Prince of Darkness?”

Me: “You mean, Prince of Denmark?”

Customer: *blank look*

The Great Search

, | USA | Funny Names, Home Improvement

(My friend needs expanding foam, which commonly is under the brand name “Great Stuff.” My friend, however, misunderstands and thinks everyone is just saying how great it is. After seemingly fruitless search for the brand name, he eventually goes to a hardware store to find it:)

Friend: *to employee* “I’m looking for expanding foam.”

Employee: “Oh, yeah, Great Stuff!”

Friend: *yelling* “I ALREADY KNOW IT’S HOW GREAT IT IS! I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT’S CALLED!”

Employee: “No, no, no. It’s actually called ‘Great Stuff.’”

Friend: “Oh…”

(For the record, it really is great stuff.)

Whatever Boris Is Into Is None Of Our Business

| ME, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Technology

(We have a patron who frequently asks the library staff to check the spelling on various words or phrases that she’s searching for online. She never accepts that she just spelled it wrong in the first place, but insists that Google it intentionally messing things up for her.)

Patron: “Can you look up the correct spelling for the Northern Lights?”

Me: “Sure. It’s N-O-R-T-H—”

Patron: “No, I mean the real name for them, ‘Aura’ something.”

Me: “Ah, Aurora Borealis.”

Patron: “Yes, but when I typed it in Google kept messing up and showing me dirty stuff! Can you write down the right spelling?”

(She handed me a slip of paper to write on. On it, she’d already written “AREOLA BORIS”.)

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