Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

Doesn’t Go Quite So Well With Jelly

| AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Sunday morning working in the beer and wine section of a busy supermarket stocking bottles of wine.)

Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find some peanut grease?”

Me: *a little tired, thinking the customer perhaps meant peanut oil or something* “Peanut grease? I’m not sure if we stock that but if we do it would probably be in the baking aisle.”

Customer: “Baking? I don’t want to cook with it; I want to drink it.”

Me: *nonplussed* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for something dry but still a little sweet and I read on a website that peanut grease would be a good one to try.”

Me: *the penny drops* “Oh, pinot gris! Yes, we have that right over here…”

(I proceeded to help him pick out a few nice bottles. One of the better customers I’ve dealt with to be honest but I can’t go past that completely brilliant mangling of pronunciation.)

Unable To Find The Path

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Funny Names, Transportation

Customer: “I need a part for my ‘pad sander.'”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we sell automotive parts, not tools.”

Customer: “No, I need part for my pad sander. ‘Pad sander!'”

Me: “Again, sir, we only sell automotive parts. Perhaps you should check with [Other Store]?”

Customer: “No, no, no. I need part for my ‘pad sander.’ My Nissan ‘Pad Sander.'”

Me: “Do you mean Nissan Pathfinder?”

Customer: “Yes! Are you an idiot or deaf?”

Should Stick To Interwebs Exploder

| Helsinki, Finland | Funny Names, Technology

Me: “So what browser you’re using?”

Caller: “I used to have Mozzarella, but now I’m using Wirevox.”

(I couldn’t resolve customer’s problem just over the phone, so I established a remote access connection to their computer. They used IE.)

Genetically Modified Turkey

| MI, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Geeks Rule

Customer: “Hi, yes, could I please have a pound of mystique turkey please?”

Me: *not quite catching what they said* “I’m sorry, did you say mesquite turkey?”

Customer: “Yes, mystique turkey!”

Me: “Actually, it’s mesquite smoked turkey, Mystique is a character in X-Men.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, just get me some mystique turkey, please.”

Me: “Mystique turkey coming right up! And I’ll change it blue for you, too!”

That’s My Name, Please Wear It Out

| London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Funny Names

Me: “Hi, do you need assistance with your shopping?”

Customer: *stares at name badge* “Hi, [My Name]. How are you today?”

(I often get customers that call me by name when I greet them, which doesn’t bother me. I pack his bags.)

Customer: “Thank you for packing my bags, [My Name].”

Me: “No problem. That comes to [amount].”

Customer: “Thank you, [My Name].”

Me: “Are you paying by card or cash, sir?”

Customer: “Can I pay by card, please, [My Name]?”

Me: “Okay, if you would like to put your card into the card reader and follow the instructions?”

Customer: “Okay, [My Name].” *takes card and receipt* “Thank you, [My Name].”

(I start serving the next customer.)

Customer #2: “If you didn’t know your own name then I guess you do now!”

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