Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

Rude? Yeah, Whatever

| USA | Bad Behavior, Funny Names

(I’m a new administrative assistant at an established private accounting firm. Since I’m new, I can’t recognize any clients by voice over the phone.)

Me: “Good morning. [Accounting Firm]. How may I help you?”

Client: *sounding far away like he’s on speaker* “Yeah, whatever, this is [Very common first name].”

(I wait a few seconds for him to continue, to give me a last name or some identifying information like most of our callers do.)

Client: “Hellooo? Hey!”

Me: “Yes, sir, how can I help you?”

Client: “Yeah, whatever, this is [Very common first name].”

(I don’t bother waiting again and respond immediately.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Client: “Helloooo? Hey! Can you even hear me?”

Me: “Yes, sir; can you hear me?”

Client: *now sounding like he’s off speaker and holding the phone* “Yeah, look, I got my taxes did by you and I was wondering when you guys might possibly be contemplating considering the possibility of sending in my taxes.”

Me: “Um… okay, well, I’m just an administrative assistant; I don’t work on anyone’s taxes so I’m not sure. Do you know which accountant worked with you?”

Client: *heavy sigh* “Yeah, I guess, maybe Jessica, or Erica, or Stephanie?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anyone here by any of those names.”

Client: “What about [about 15 different names in rapid succession]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no.”

Client: “Well, what about [One of our accountant’s name]?”

Me: “Yes, we have an accountant by that name.”

Client: “Give her to me; let me talk to her.”

Me: “Uh, sure, let me see if she’s available. Hold, please.”

(I page the accountant and explain what’s happened so far.)

Accountant: *laughs* “Oh, you mean Rudy?”

Me: “Rudy? He said his name was [Very common first name].”

Accountant: “Yeah, but I call him Rudy. Not to his face, of course. But I do it because he’s so rude. Get it?”

Me: *giggles* “Yeah, I get it. Do you want me to send him through or to your voicemail?”

Accountant: “Oh, voicemail him. I’m having a good day and I don’t want to talk to Rudy right now; he’d just ruin it.”

(I switch back to the call line.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. I’m sorry, but [Accountant] is unavailable. Would you—”

Client: “Yeah, whatever, my name is [Very common first name] and I’m wondering when you might be considering to contemplate—”

(I cut him off by sending the call to the accountant’s voice mail without another word. Later she calls me into her office, laughing so hard she’s in tears, and plays the message “Rudy” left.)

Voicemail: “Yeah, whatever, this is [Very common first name] and I began to suspect I might wonder when you would possibly consider the possibility of maybe contemplating thinking about sending my taxes in.”

(There’s a solid minute-long pause.)

Voicemail: “So, yeah, whatever.” *hangs up*

Accountant: “God, I love Rudy. He’s such a little p****!”

Antisocial About The Social

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Bad Behavior, Funny Names

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to deposit these checks.”

(I take the checks and deposit slip, but the account number isn’t coming up, and her name isn’t, either.)

Me: “I’m having trouble finding you in our system. Can you give me your social, and I can look for you that way?”

Customer: “This always happens with you! Why does this happen with only you?! I don’t know how you got this job. My social is [number].”

Me: “I found you, ma’am, but it looks like your name is hyphenated in our system, which you did not indicate on the deposit slip, and the account number you provided is incorrect. I suppose that’s why it never works when you come to me. All of the information you gave me was incorrect.”

(The customer left red-faced. Since then, she’s gone to great lengths to be polite to me.)

Needs An Urban Remedy

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Unfortunately, I am the stupid customer in this story.)

Employee: “Hi there! What can I get for you today?”

Me: “Hi! Could I just get a toasted plain bagel with cream cheese?”

Employee: “Sure! What kind of cheese?”

Me: “…cream?”

Employee: *laughs* “I meant what kind of cream cheese would you like?”

Me: “Oh! What flavours do you have?”

Employee: “Plain, strawberry, blueberry, and herb and garlic.”

(At this point, I am tired after a day of classes and mishear the last flavour.)

Me: *stares blankly* “Urban garlic?… Is that, like, the opposite of ‘rural garlic’ or something?”