Category: Funny Names

If there’s one common mistake that all stupid customers have made, it is that simple error of getting a name wrong. Be it a product, a person, a store or a place, these simplest of gems often have the most horrific and memorable results…

Not Getting Owned By The Owner

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Funny Names

(I happen to work at a chain whose owner shares the same last name as me. It’s pure coincidence but still comes in handy as shown below:)

Me: “Hello there! Will this be all?”

Lady: *gives me a disapproving look and places her merchandise on my register. I continue making small talk as I ring her up*

Me: “Will this be on your store card today?”

Lady: “Excuse me, do you know who I am?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Lady: “I am Dr. [Name], wife of Dr. [Name]. As a regular customer I expect to be addressed accordingly!”

Me: “…uh… I do apologize, ma’am.”

Lady: “That’s DOCTOR [Name] to you! Are you not listening to me or are you just r******d?”

Me: “Again, I apologize. I’m still relatively new here and have not had a chance to get to know all of our regular clientele.”

Lady: “Well, I’m still going to report you for such blatant disrespect. Who is your manager?”

Me: “That would be [Manager].”

Lady: “Well, expect them to give you a proper reprimand when I tell them…” *she looks at my name tag*  “Wait… Your last name is [Owner’s Name]?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Lady: “As in the Franchise Owner’s name?”

(I nod and the lady suddenly looks a lot less irritated, and a lot more worried.)

Lady: “Uh… actually, as you said, you’re new so I can overlook this… Ermmm…”

(She scurries off and my manager comes over trying to suppress his giggles.)

Manager: “That woman comes in here and makes life hell for everyone just because she and her husband met the owner on one occasion at a party. Looks like I owe you an apology.”

Me: “What for?”

Manager: “I thought you were being pretentious by asking to have your first and last name on your name tag. Now I see the genius behind it. Well done.”

Canola Or Can’tola

| Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work in something of a high end grocery store as a cashier. Most of our customers are great but every once in a while I come across one who thinks we aren’t high end enough. As part of my job I always try to ask the customers if they found everything they were looking for, and if not to then help them get it when that’s possible. A woman walks up to check out with a couple of items.)

Me: “Hi there! You find everything all right?”

Customer: “No, actually. I was disappointed you don’t have rapeseed oil. I really figured you would and I need it for a recipe. I think I’m going to have to go to a specialty store to get it now.”

Me: “You know, I could be wrong, but I think canola oil is another name for rapeseed oil. If you want I could page our grocery section to double check and see if we have any?”

Customer: *as though I don’t know what I’m talking about* “No, no, no, I don’t think so. I’ll just go to a specialty store.”

Me: “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure companies avoid calling it rapeseed oil because of what it sounds like. I think most use another name and I think it’s canola oil.”

Customer: “Yes, I’m sure!”

Me: “All right, well, have a good day and I hope you find it!”

(I looked it up later and I was right. Canola oil is another name for rapeseed oil. We definitely sell canola oil at our store.)

The Hannibal Special

| VT, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work for food service at a hospital.)

Customer: “I would like the human plate.”

Me: *pauses a moment thinking this over* “Did you mean hummus plate?”

Customer: “No I mean the human plate.”

Me: “Okay…” *sent the hummus plate*