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Category: Wild & Unruly

About To Fight On Paper View

| UK | Criminal & Illegal, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a university student who lives at home, and delivers papers to earn extra cash. I’m delivering them close to a school, which has just finished for the day. A group of boys wander over.)

Boy: “I want a paper.”

Me: “These aren’t for you.”

Boy: “I live there.”

(He points to the house behind me, which I’ve just delivered to.)

Me: “Prove it, then. Take out your key, and open the door.”

Boy: “I don’t have to do that! I’m going out with my mates. I’m not going in yet.”

Me: “So you want to carry a newspaper around with you?”

Boy: “I just want a newspaper. I live there!”

Me: “No, you don’t. I know the people who live there, and they don’t have a son. Besides, I’ve just put a paper in there.”

Boy: “Just give me a f****** newspaper!”

(He goes to take one out himself. I sit myself on the paper trolley to prevent him. He tries to pull me off, and I end up pushing him away.)

Boy: “I can do you for assault for that!”

Me: “Call the police; it’ll save me the trouble. You tried to steal from me; you’ve probably left a nasty mark on my arm, and all this can be seen as harassment. Let’s be honest; who are the police going to believe? Me, a university student with a job, or you, a kid who can’t even pull his own trousers up?”

Boy: “F*** you!”

(His mates are starting to wander over. I realize things could turn nasty, so I take a chance.)

Me: “Looks like I don’t have to call them; here’s the police now.”

(I must have good karma, because sure enough, a police car starts driving down the road. The boys scatter. When the car reaches me, it stops and the window lowers.)

Officer: “Were they bothering you?”

Me: “Yes, but I sent them running.”

Officer: “Really? What did you tell them?”

Me: “That I knew Kung Fu.”

A Sim-ple Solution

| East Bakersfield, CA, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

(I’m in line at technical support to get my laptop fixed. A very rude and impatient customer cuts me, and slams his phone down on the counter.)

Me: “Excuse me! You just cut me.”

Rude Customer: *ignoring me* ” You son of a b****! You were supposed to fix my phone eight days ago! What’s with this bull-s***!”

Tech Support: “Sir, we told you; there is nothing wrong with the phone. You just don’t have a sim-card in there.”

Rude Customer: “Bull-s***! I put in a sim-card, and it still doesn’t work!”

Tech Support: “Okay, then. If I see that there is no sim-card, you’re going to apologize to the woman you cut, apologize to me, and get out of my store before I plant my foot so far up your a**, that your grandchildren get the mark.”

(The technician takes the phone and opens the back cover. He starts to laugh.)

Rude Customer: “What’s so f****** funny?!”

Tech Support: “GET. OUT. NOW.”

(The 6’1, 227 lb, tech stands up. He takes his glasses off, and puts them on the counter.)

(The rude customer turns white, then turns to me.)

Rude Customer: “Sorry!”

(The customer literally makes a run out the store, while leaving his phone behind. The technician sits back down and acts as though nothing happened.)

Five Feet Of Fury

| AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Top, Wild & Unruly

(My girlfriend and I are at a friends shop looking for new training pads for her. She is a 5′ tall blond, who weighs 95 lbs. I am 6’1″ and 175 lbs, and the owner is about 6’4″ and 200 lbs. All of us have done different forms of martial arts for over 20 combined years. I am making small talk with the owner by the register, while my girlfriend is looking at more pads.)

Customer: “Hey, where are your training pads?”

Owner: “Just past the speed bags, on the right.”

(About a minute later, we hear a small crash, followed by arguing. We rush over to find the man trying to grab the pads from my girlfriend.)

Customer: “You stupid b****; give me those!”

(He finally manages to pull them out of her hand.)

Girlfriend: “H*** no, I got them first; give them back!”

Customer: “You don’t even need them. I have a fight in two weeks!”

Girlfriend: “Then you should have thought about that sooner!”

(The customer finally notices us; he turns to the owner.)

Customer: “Hey, I need to pay for these pads.”

Owner: “No, she had them first. You need to give them back to her.”

Customer: “No, she is just a dumb b**** who need to learn her place. Get me your manager.”

Owner: “I am the owner here, and I’m going to insist you give the pads back to the young lady and leave.”

Customer: “I need these pads! Who’s going to make me?”

(My girlfriend is fuming, and it is pretty obvious. I cut in.)

Me: “Just give her the pads back, man.”

Customer: “What are you going to do?”

Me: “Nothing, but she will.”

(I point to my girlfriend; the customer laughs.)

Customer: “That puny b**** couldn’t if she wanted to!”

Girlfriend: “Just give them back you a**-hole!

Customer: “You going to make me?”

(My girlfriend kicks the man’s legs out from under him, grabs his arm, and puts it in a hold.)

Customer: “Ow! You stupid b****; let go of me!”

(She holds him down for a few minutes, until he starts to calm down.)

Girlfriend: “Now, are you going to shut up?”

Customer: *meekly* “…yes.”

(She lets the man up, and he scampers out. My girlfriend then turns to the owner, and talks like nothing happened.)

Girlfriend: “Okay, I think I’m all ready.”

(Two weeks later, my gym had an exhibition with another gym. Guess who was my opponent?)