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Category: Wild & Unruly

Vexed, Lies & Videotape

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Wild & Unruly

(I am sitting down with my friends at a cafe when some rather loud customers come in. I think they’ve been partying or something, because they won’t stop talking rather loudly and giggling.)

Cashier: “What can I get you ladies?”

Customer #1: “Well, you could stop dressing like a f****** emo for one.”

(The cashier simply has dyed black hair and nails.)

Cashier: “Please stop being rude.”

Customer #2: “Err, no! It’s a free country. We can say what we like, you dumb b****!”

Cashier: “Just stop this.”

Customer #1: “No, get us [order] and get snappy about it, b****, or I’ll tell the manager you hit me!”

Me: “That won’t work! We’ve been watching you!”

Customer #2: “And what the h*** are you gonna do about it, b****? *walks up to me and throws my food on the floor* “Oh, look, you can’t do anything.”

Me: “I can. I know there are cameras here.”

Customer #2: “As. If. You. Slut.”

Cashier: “I’m getting my manager. Hopefully he can sort you out and ban you from here.”

Customer #3: “Oh, come on! We’re paying customers. You can’t throw us out.”

Cashier: “It doesn’t matter; you’re causing a scene and you need to pay for that young woman’s food.”

Customer #1: “As. F***.”

(The manager comes from a back room and looks exhausted anyway so I don’t think he’ll even try to make the girls leave. I get up and go over just in case he needs help.)

Customer #2: “Yeah, your cashier spat in my face, so I think we need a free meal.

Manager: “The only thing you’re getting for free around here is a one-way ticket out of here. I’ve had a really hard time with lots of people are coming in for Christmas. I’ve been up all night and I really just don’t want any hassle.”

Customer #3: “Well, don’t and don’t throw us out.”

(The manager looks almost tired enough to give in. The cashier looks at him horrified as I take my turn.)

Me: “The video cameras have enough footage of you insulting and being violent so I can just call the police right now and have them arrest you.”

(The customers look truly scared. They begin to run, with the cashier and I trying to stop them getting out the door but they throw things from the tables at us, including dishes, vinegar and even chairs. I get a gash on my shoulder and the cashier is struck in the face but they get out.)

Manager: “Don’t worry, I saw their licence.”

(I saw later that they were arrested.)

Reached Her Tea-Total

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I work in a health food and supplement store. Mainly we sell loads of vitamins, but we also have a fairly large variety of organic and whole foods. I deal with really weird people on a daily basis. I’m can usually handle most anything, but this got me going. The customer is a lady who is probably in her mid 40s and is looking at our tea section… which is REALLY big.)

Customer: “Excuse me; do you have any of the tea that helps with digestion?”

Me: “Umm, yes. Yes, we do. Did you have a brand name you were looking for, or will anything do?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah… I’m not sure. I got it here a while ago. I don’t remember the name.”

Me: “Okay well, here are some teas that are good for digestion…”

(I point to some ginger tea, which for the record, works like a charm.)

Customer: “Yeah! Yeah, it was ginger! Ummm…. no, that’s not the one though. It was in a different box.”

Me: “All right… maybe this?”

(At this point I show her a couple other brands of the ginger tea that we have. We have four other brands, but still nothing would suffice, she begins to get irritated.)

Customer: “No, that’s not it either. Listen, don’t you have any other brands of this stuff? None of this is what I got.”

Me: “I’m afraid not. Whatever we have is out here.”

Customer: “But I’ve gotten it here before!”

Me: “Umm… when was that?”

Customer: “I don’t know… It was a couple of years ago!”

Me: “Oh… well, in that case, if you don’t see it here then we’ve probably stopped carrying it.”

Customer: (noticeably getting angrier by the second) “No. Listen, it’s here. Where are your other brands?”

Me: “This is our tea section. All the tea we carry is right here. While we don’t have that brand, we do have these other ones, and I can personally vouch for [Brand] as being of high quality.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want that brand. Why don’t you have what I’m looking for?”

Me: “Well, because as I’ve just said, it’s probably because we’ve stopped carrying it.”

Customer:“This is ridiculous! Is there a manager here?”

(She is pretty angry at this point. There actually isn’t a manager there at this point, but I am the most senior employee.)

Me: “No, ma’am, but if you need any further help then your best bet would be me. I’ve the most seniority here.”

Customer: “WHAT I WANT IS A COMPETENT WORKER. WHERE THE F*** ARE THE OTHER TEAS?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, all the teas we have are right here. I’ve shown you four other brands of the exact same type of tea. Unfortunately the brand you are looking for is no longer stocked here. And, also, I can’t help you locate the tea you’re looking for since you yourself do not the know brand name.”

(At this point the customer storms away and asks my co-worker the same question about teas. She’s heard some of this exchange.)

Coworker: “Um, I’m not sure if we have that brand… You could try asking [My Name]. He’s worked in grocery for a while and is the senior person here so he would definitely know.”

Customer: “NO! HE DOESN’T KNOW. WHY THE F**K DOESN’T ANYONE KNOW ABOUT THIS TEA?”

Me: *now getting a little annoyed* “Ma’am, at this point I wouldn’t tell you even IF I DID know. Unfortunately we don’t carry any of that tea anymore. However, if you’ll follow me to the other aisle I can show you to some of your evening primrose oil which is supposed to work wonders with people who have anger management issues!”

Remain As Cold As Ice

, | GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a manager in a well-known fast food restaurant.)

Customer: “You a**holes are trying to kill me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “You stupid mother-f***ers are trying to kill me!”

Me: “I assure you we’re not trying to kill you. Could you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Customer: “I ordered a [Soda] with no f****** ice, and you stupid mother-f***ers filled the cup with ice! I am deathly allergic to ice!”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that, ma’am. Let me fix that for you.”

Customer: “You’d better fix it. And I want my f****** money back, you stupid mother-f***er. I’m going to call the district office and have you all fired.”

Me: “Sure. I need to get that number from my office, as well as a refund slip for you to sign.”

(She continues to call me assorted names as I walk away.)

Me: “Sorry about the wait. Just print your name and sign. You can include a contact number if you’d like the district manager to call you.”

Customer: “I’m calling the f***ing office first thing tomorrow morning.”

Me: “I apologize again. Here’s your money, and here’s your [Soda], no ice, to which you are deathly allergic. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. Have a good night.”

(She leaves the store still cussing up a storm.)

Next Customer: “That was amazing. Your facial expression didn’t change a bit the whole time.”

Me: “That’s because a decade of working customer service has left me dead inside. Now I’m going outside for a cigarette to try to finish off the rest of me.”

(The next morning I got a phone call from the district manager about how I was rude and unsympathetic to her serious medical issue, which she conveniently didn’t explain to him. I faxed him the refund slip with the reason for refund: Customer is deathly allergic to the solid form of water. He ended up praising me for not physically assaulting her.)

Just Crossed The Online Line

| NS, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology, Wild & Unruly

Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *happy* “Hi there! Ugh, I ended up ordering the wrong thing online. Silly me; should have been paying more attention. Can I return this?”

Me: “Yah! Sure, no problem. Can I get the order number from you?”

Customer: “Of course!” *reads it off*

Me: “Perfect. Just one second. I’m sorry; my system shut off on me. We have an online return option. Would you like me to walk you through the steps? It’s really simple. If not just give me. like. 60 seconds to bring my system back up and I would be more than happy to do the return for you.”

Customer: “YOU WANT ME TO DO IT ONLINE?! YOU DON’T WANT TO HELP?! FINE!” *hangs-up*

Children Don’t Count And Adults Can’t Count

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I work as a lead host in a well known restaurant, in a well known, famous, and popular vacation resort area. People come here with their families a lot.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. How many are in your party today?

Guest: Oh, I need six and three-high chairs.”

(I’m extremely used to guests giving us their party total like this that I automatically total their party size for them.)

Me: “So nine total?”

Guest: “No, six and three high chairs.”

Me: “Yes… so… nine bodies total.”

Guest: “Well, sorta. I mean there’s six of us and maybe like three halves…”

Me: “Uh… okay, nine total people.”

Guest: “Well, the three are children.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I understand. However, because they require their own seat and take up seating space, I need to count them as well. So it’ll be a total of nine.”

(Normally, most guests understand this and agree with and move on so we can get them seated but for some odd reason, this guest did not seem to understand what I was trying to explain to her. She stared at me while I type down her information into our system.)

Guest: “No, hold on. I told you, I need six seats… and three high chairs.”

Me: “Right… and those high chairs take up space, so it’ll technically be nine seats total, but three of those nine are going to be high chairs and not regular chairs.”

Guest: “No! I need six seats and three high chairs! What part of that do you not understand.”

Me: “No, I understand, ma’am.”

Guest: “SO JUST GET ME A TABLE!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Guest: “Gosh, how can you be so stupid!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guest: “They should fire you for not being able to do basic math.”

(My manager overhears this exchange between the guest and I and immediately steps into the conversation. She asks what was the problem and begin to take down her information into our system, personally. My manager then asked her how many people were in her party.)

Guest: “I need six and three high chairs.”

Manager: “Great! So nine total.”

Guest: “No. Six. And Three. High. Chairs.”

Manager: “Right. Nine total.”

Guest: “OH, MY GOD! I JUST NEED A TABLE THAT WILL FIT SIX PEOPLE AND THREE KIDS! AND THOSE THREE KIDS NEED HIGH CHAIRS! HOW HARD IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND?!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we count your children as people as well and since they require their own seats, though the seats might be in the form of a high chair, they are included in the party size as well. Do not worry; I will get you the proper table size.”

Guest: “How do they count as people? They are like… halves of a person!”

(My manager at this point is obviously fed up with the guests who cannot understand what we both tried to explain to her. So she takes off her glasses, look at the guest straight in the eyes with the most serious face on.)

Manager: “So which half did you bring of your children? The upper part of the torso? Or the lower part? How do you even decide?”

Guest: “YOU KNOW WHAT?! FORGET IT! I cannot believe they hire a group of people who cannot do math! No wonder why you are all stuck working here! GO BACK TO SCHOOL BECAUSE YOU ALL OBVIOUSLY NEED IT!”

(The guest gathers her family and storms out of the restaurant. As they leave, the little girl in the party comes walking up to me and my manager, who are simply just staring at the woman who was forcing her family to leave.)

Little Girl: “Sorry… my mom is crazy.”

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