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Category: Wild & Unruly

Fight For Your Right

| Birmingham, England, UK | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m making a movie with a few friends for my college course. We decide to make a bar room brawl scene. We are in my local pub early one morning whilst they’re closed, and have just finished kitting the room out with glasses, stools, and pool cues that will break easy and not hurt. We have just switched the cameras, and are about to start when a man stumbles in, obviously still drunk.)

Drunk: “I want a beer.”

Me: “Sorry mate, this bar is closed.”

Drunk: “Then why they all drinking?!”

(The drunk indicates to my friends, as I’m behind the bar.)

Me: “We are making a movie right now. Go home and sober up a bit.”

Drunk: “No, I want a f****** beer, and you’re gonna serve me!”

My Friend: *winking* “Just give him a beer mate; he isn’t hurting anyone.”

Me: *catching on* “Don’t you start. You have had enough as well!”

My Friend: “Eat wood!”

(My friend picks up a stool and swings it at my head. Suddenly, we all start our fight scene around the drunk. After a few minutes, when everything is broken, and we’ve all been ‘knocked out,’ I leap over the bar and grab a cricket bat, break it, and aim it at the drunk.)

Me: “Still want that drink, fella?”

Drunk: “I don’t want no trouble!” *backs out and staggers out of the bar quickly*

Punch, Drunk, And Love

| USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

(I’m sitting at a bar when a drunk man approaches a regular female customer, who has been quietly chatting with the also-female bartender.)

Drunk Customer: “Hey, honey, let me buy you a drink.”

Female Regular: *not even turning around* “No thanks. Already have one, and just so you know, I’m married.”

Drunk Customer: “S***, b****, I’m just offering a beer.”

Female Regular: “And I’m politely declining. Please leave me alone.”

Drunk Customer: “I bet I could f****** beat the s*** out of your man!”

Female Regular: *smiling slightly* “Most likely.”

(The male customer sitting next to her, who has been quietly eating his food, and seemingly not involved in the situation at all, laughs.)

Male Customer: “Gee, thanks, babe.”

(The drunk man scoffs at the male customer, who is at least five inches shorter and, while fit, not remotely as muscular as the drunk.)

Drunk Customer: “You’re this b****’s man?”

Male Customer: “I’m this woman’s husband, yes.”

Drunk Customer: “S***, I could pummel you in seconds! She should ditch your sorry a**, and I’ll show her what a real man is like!”

Male Customer: “You could probably beat me up, but that’s not the problem. My wife asked you to leave. Please do so before you get hurt.”

Drunk Customer: “F*** you, what are you gonna do about it?!”

(The drunk customer grabs the male customer’s shoulder, and tries to punch him. Before he can, the female regular turns on her bar stool, twists the drunk’s hand away, and punches him so hard in the face that he drops to the floor.)

Male Customer: “I didn’t say I’d hurt you.”

(The drunk stumbles to his feet, furious and bleeding from his nose.)

Drunk Customer: “F*** you both!” *to the bartender* “This b**** punched me! Throw her out!”

Bartender: *laughs* “H*** no!”

Drunk Customer: “B****! I AM THE OWNER’S BROTHER! I WANT THIS W**** AND HER HUSBAND TOSSED!”

Bartender: *to the female regular* “Huh, I didn’t know we had a brother.”

Drunk Customer: “…huh?”

Bartender: “I own this bar, and the woman you were treating oh-so-kindly is my little sister. And she had every right to deck you for being a d***.”

Drunk Customer: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU F****** GINGER IRISH W****! TRYING TO RUIN ME! NO MAN WILL EVER WANT TO F*** YOU, YOU B****!”

Bartender: “You don’t need to listen to us anymore. Get out of my bar; you’re banned for life.”

(The drunk man continues to scream obscenities at her, her sister, and her brother-in-law, until he had to be dragged out by the bouncer—the bartender’s husband.)

Customer Gets Carded Anyway

| Manchester, England, UK | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I am working the drive-thru, and the card machine has just gone down. There are a number of cars already waiting in line, so I go outside to put signs up and tell them about the problem.)

Me: “Hello, madam, I am very sorry, but we are having problems with our card machine. If you need to pay by card, you will need to go inside the restaurant.”

Customer: “Well why the f*** didn’t you tell me before?”

Me: “I am very sorry but this problem has only just occurred.”

Customer: “You stupid b****, I asked why didn’t you tell me before I queued up!”

Me: “I walked out here as soon as we had the problem, and again, I am sorry for the inconvenience.”

(The customer starts screaming at me, so I walk behind her car to go and tell the next customer.)

Customer: “Don’t walk away from me b****. I was talking to you! Are you stupid?”

(The customer then reverses her car into me hard, knocking me to the floor.)

Customer: “You damaged my car you little s***! I am phoning the police!”

(Someone comes out to help me, and calls an ambulance. Both the ambulance and police arrive, and surprise, surprise, it isn’t me that is arrested!)