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Category: Wild & Unruly

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I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 20

| IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Popular, Wild & Unruly

(My boyfriend and I are at a shoe store finding new sneakers for me. He is a police officer and is wearing one of his many shirts from the department.)

Me: “So anyway, what color looks better? The blue or the green?”

Boyfriend: “I like the blue.”

Customer: *seeming to randomly shout at us* “I NEED THESE IN A 7½!”

(We both look at a blonde-haired female pointing at the newest shoes.)

Boyfriend: “What?”

Customer: “Are you deaf? I WANT A 7½!”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD! JUST GET THESE FOR ME IN A 7½!”

Boyfriend: “Are you serious?”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD! ARE YOU A F****** DUMB A**? GET ME MY SHOES!”

Boyfriend: *pointing at his obviously police related shirt* “You seriously think I work here?”

Customer: “WHY THE F*** WOULD YOU BE IN A SHOE STORE IF YOU DIDN’T F***** WORK HERE?!”

Me: “Then why are you here?”

(By this point two sales associates have shown up and are trying to figure out what to say.)

Sales Associate: *wearing a very obviously different shirt than my boyfriend* “What’s the problem?”

Boyfriend: “She—“

Customer: “YOUR STUPID GUY OVER HERE WON’T GET ME SHOES!”

Sales Associate: “He doesn’t even work here. Can I get something for you?”

Customer: “WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE F***** TELL ME HE DIDN’T WORK HERE?!”

Me: “We tried, but I didn’t think you were as stupid as you really are. Apparently their shirts don’t tell you SOMETHING?”

Customer: “This is the worst service I’ve ever f****** had! F*** you guys.”

(The customer storms out.)

Me: “Soooooo…”

Boyfriend: “So, yes, sir. I’d still like to buy these shoes for my girlfriend.”

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 19
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 18
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 17

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Trying To Bowl Them Over With Common Sense

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Popular, Wild & Unruly

(One popular food item at our shop is a bowl with a foil lid. When the bowl is finished, the employees put the lid on top and fold the foil so it stays in place. The customer can carry the bowl out as-is, or carry it in a bag. However, our store has just run out of the bags. We have other, smaller bags for a different type of item, but the bowls don’t fit them well and it has been causing some problems, especially if they are carried upright. I’ve asked my manager if I can just tell customers that we are out of bags, but they have requested that I just warn customers about these problems every time a customer asks for a bag, and give them one of the smaller ones if they still insist. Despite these warnings several other customers have already spilled their bowls all over the floor, becoming so frequent that I have been keeping a broom and mop at the ready right behind the register to deal with it.)

Me: “…and here’s your receipt. Have a great night!”

Customer #1: “Can I have a bag?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Unfortunately we are out of the bag that fits these bowls right now. I do have—”

Customer #1: *cutting me off and pointing to the smaller bags* “One of those! A bag! I want one.”

Me: “I do have these bags, but they’re too small. The bowl will only fit sideways, and it has a tendency to squeeze the sides and pop the lid off, which will—”

Customer #1: *clearly getting irate, she reaches over the counter, grabs a folded bag from the top of the stack, and opens it* “I just wanted a bag!”

Me: “Yes, you can have that bag, but please be careful because it’s too tight. It might pop the lid off and spill your bowl. You’ll have to hold it sideways so that won’t happen, okay? Again, I’m very sorry.”

Customer #1: *trying and failing repeatedly to fit the bowl into the bag horizontally* “It doesn’t fit!”

Me: *I can tell the customer hasn’t been listening, so I make sure to reiterate now that she’s recognized that something isn’t normal* “Yes, they can be tricky, since those aren’t the bags for the bowls. It has to go in on its side. You’ll have to carry it like this, okay? Otherwise it will pop the lid off and your bowl will spill. Sorry again, and have a great night.”

Customer #1: “Ugh!”

(The customer grabs the bag by the top and yanks it out of my hands, causing it to become vertical. The lid immediately pops off, and the weight of the ingredients quickly ruptures the bottom of the now sauce-soaked paper bag, spilling all over the counter and the floor.)

Customer #1: “WHAT THE F***?”

Me: “Uh oh! I’m sorry that happened, ma’am. If you’d like to jump right up to the front of the line there, they can make you a fresh bowl on the house.”

(I quickly wipe down the counter and start sweeping up the mess. Hearing the customer yelling, my manager starts walking up to the register.)

Customer #1: “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS S***! WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s just those bags. You’ll have to hold them sideways or the lid will pop off.”

Customer #1: “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I CAN HOLD THE F***ING BAG HOWEVER I WANT!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to stop swearing in front of the other guests, please. What seems to be the matter here?”

Customer #1: “MY FOOD JUST EXPLODED ALL OVER THE PLACE BECAUSE THIS GUY DID SOMETHING TO IT!”

Manager: “[My Name], why does this keep happening? I told you to warn customers about the bags!”

Me: *already finished mopping, put up a wet floor sign, ready to take the next customer* “Yes. sir, I did.”

Customer #1: “HE’S LYING! HE MADE MY BAG EXPLODE ON PURPOSE!”

(The next customer in line speaks up.)

Customer #2: “Lady, he warned you, like, three times.”

Customer #1: “HE DID NOT!”

Me: “I promise you, sir, I’ve been warning every single person who gets a bag for a bowl.”

Manager: “Then how does this keep happening?”

Me: “Um…”

(I start frantically trying to think of the politest possible way to say that some people don’t listen.)

Customer #2: “Some people don’t listen!”

Customer #1: “THEY’RE BOTH F****** LYING!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, please watch your language. If you’d like to skip to the front of the line we can get you another bowl on us.”

Customer: “THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! I WAITED IN LINE FOR HALF AN HOUR! YOU’RE WASTING MY TIME! I’M GONNA CALL THE OWNER AND YOU’RE ALL GONNA GET FIRED!”

Me: “If you don’t want a replacement, I’d be happy to refund your money for you if you’d like.”

Customer #1: *starts pushing other customers out of the way to run up and down the counter, shoving her finger in all the other workers’ faces* “YOU HEAR THAT? YOU’RE ALL GETTING FIRED! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU! ESPECIALLY YOU!”

(She ends by pointing to me, and then runs out the door, without any food or a refund.)

Me: *to manager* “Say, boss, can I please just tell customers they can’t have a bag for a bowl because we’re out?”

Manager: *sighing deeply* “Please do.”

Me: “And can I do a customer appreciation comp?”

Manager: “Sure.”

Me: “Thanks.” *to [Customer #2]* “Any drinks for you tonight with your food?”

Customer #2: “No, thanks. And no bag, either!”

Me: “All right, then, your total will be zero dollars. Have a nice night!”

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Does A Good Job Of Making A Fool Out Of Himself

| UK | Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

(I work in a supermarket that is in a mainly ethnic area. One night, a man has done his shopping and is doing what he wants while I and a colleague chat and have a laugh. He suddenly turns around and walks up to my coworker.)

Customer: “Are you making fun of me?!”

Coworker: “Erm, no, I’m just talking to [My Name].”

Customer: *getting more angry* “YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE A FOOL OF ME?!” *proceeds to swing his arms and flip over the cart of groceries he had just brought and leaves the supermarket*

Me: “What the f*** was that about?”

Coworker: “I don’t know, but he does that every time he comes here.”

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Go Nuts For Donuts

| Macomb, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I just started at a local donut shop. My manager gets an angry call from a customer about how she didn’t like her donuts. She turns to me and says the customer will be in for a new dozen and to not charge her.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m here for my free donuts.”

Me: “Yes, I have them right here.” *hands box*

(The customer opens the box.)

Customer: “No! You messed up again.” *rolls eyes* “I asked for an assorted dozen and you gave me crunchy ones! How am I supposed to eat these?”

(The coworker walks over to help.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, you asked for an assorted dozen. We gave you random donuts that are most popular. It’s not our fault if you wanted specific ones and didn’t tell us.”

Customer’s Friend: “I work at [Same Shop] and corporate would be very upset if they knew how many donuts you had left!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we are privately owned. Our donut order was cut in half since our donut maker is in the hospital this morning.”

Coworker: “You came in on a Saturday, our busiest donut day, at seven pm. We don’t have many donuts left…”

Customer: “You f***** b****! Oh, my god! I want my donuts. Get your manager. You’re getting in trouble!”

(The stupid customer was awarded another free batch of donuts and a drink. The customer comes in next week.)

Customer: “I was going to punch [Coworker] straight in the face but I didn’t want to go to jail! She’s lucky! IS SHE FIRED YET?!”

Me: “No, ma’am…”

(I literally hate this customer.)

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Peppered With Bad Behavior

| Paris, France | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Wild & Unruly

(I am a European student in Paris, working as a night manager/cashier for an Internet cafe. Around 11 pm, three young guys, Americans, come into the store. I notice they are drunk and the store policy states that they should be refused entry. I speak both French and English very well, so I choose English.)

Me: “Good evening!”

Guy: “Hey! We need a computer!”

Me: “I am sorry, it is not possible. You are a bit drunk and the store policy prevents me to serve you.”

Guy: “This is bull-s***! You’re being racist with us!”

(I have to mention that I am white Caucasian, just like they are.)

Me: “I can’t be racist with you in any way! I am not even French myself!”

(One of them starts to insult and threaten me.)

Me: “No problem. If you do not wish to leave, I will call the police.”

(On the counter there is a phone. Before I can move, he takes the phone.)

Guy: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “Please give me back the phone and leave the store at once!”

Guy: “No, and f*** you!”

(At that moment I took out a police-strength pepper spray I had under the counter (I never had to use it before or after, although I had some rough customers sometimes) and shot all three of them in the face. Their faces burned, they run away to a restaurant across the street to wash their faces and then they sat down on the sidewalk for a long time, away from my store. The store itself was barely breathable and I had to evacuate all customers for 15 minutes and give them free drinks. My bosses had nothing to say to this but praise me for making quick decisions and defending their property.)

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