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Category: Wild & Unruly

The Grandmother Of All Threats

| CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work in my stepdad’s medical office. I am about 10 minutes late due to a car accident delaying traffic. There is an older patient waiting outside the office.)

Patient: *testily* “Why are you late?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. There was an accident on my way in delaying traffic. Let me unlock the door, and I’ll help you.”

Patient: “Well, I was going to leave, but I’ll see Dr. [Name] now.”

Me: “Once again, I’m very sorry, ma’am. He’s not in his office today. He’s doing school testing.”

Patient: “This is unacceptable. Your sign says you’re open from 10-4 on Thursdays!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you have an appointment?”

Patient: “No, you stupid girl! I don’t need an appointment!”

Me: “Well, our sign also says we don’t take walk-ins. So yes, you do need one.”

Patient: “This is outrageous! Why can’t I see the doctor?”

Me: “I just told you that, ma’am. Now I can schedule an appointment for you, or—”

Patient: “You call the doctor and get him back here right now! If you don’t, I’ll have my grandson come by and beat you up!”

Me: “Ma’am, I think you need to leave.”

Patient: “Why? I’m paying you!”

Me: “Because you just threatened to have me assaulted. If you do not leave immediately, I will call hospital security and have you escorted out.”

(She doesn’t leave. She calls her grandson, who apparently turns down her offer for him to come and hurt me, and I call security. The following Monday, a young man about my age walks into the office. He is holding a bouquet of flowers.)

Young Man: “Hi, are you the lady my grandmother asked me to beat up?”

Me: “Yes, I think that would be me.”

Young Man: *hands me the flowers* “I am so sorry. She does this every time she doesn’t get her way. I just wanted to thank you for being one of the few to not cave to her demands.”

A**-hole In One

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a golf course that is situated in a residential area. I am talking to a friend of mine who owns a home on the course when a ball lands in his backyard.)

Golfer: “Move!” *hops the fence*

My Friend: “Hey! This is private property; get out of here!”

Golfer: “No it isn’t; I paid good money to play on this course and I am going to play through.”

Me: “Actually, sir, it is private property.”

Golfer: *not listening* “Why the h*** do you put such stupid obstacles in the way? What kind of course has fences so close to the green?”

My Friend: “It isn’t an obstacle! It’s my fence, and you are in my backyard. Now beat it before I call the police.”

Golfer: “Shut the f*** up; you’re throwing me off my game.” *turns to me* “Shouldn’t you escort him off the course? He isn’t showing any etiquette.”

(At this point my friend gets irritated and has gone into his house.)

Me: “He doesn’t have to show any etiquette; he owns the property. You are the one I will be escor—”

Golfer: “No he doesn’t! The course owns all of this; how stupid are you?”

(My friend comes back with a bucket of golf balls, and dumps them where the golfer’s ball has landed.)

Golfer: “What the f*** are you doing! I’ll never find my ball!”

My Friend: “Good.”

Golfer: “I paid good money for that ball, and you’re stealing it! I am calling the police!”

Me: “It landed in someone’s yard. It is clearly stated in the rule book that a residential area is out of bounds, so he can do whatever he wants with it.”

Golfer: “Shut up! What do you know? You’re just some kid!”

Me: “Sir, please come with me. You are not welcome here anymore.”

Golfer: “No! I can do what I want! I paid good money to—”

My Friend: “I spend all day cleaning up after a**-holes like you that think they can do whatever they want. They rammed their carts into my fence thinking it was a personal cart stopper, and I had to finally shell out $1,500 to buy a new one because it eventually fell down completely.”

Golfer: “I didn’t—”

My Friend: “People like you have stolen my stuff, left their trash in my yard, even though there is a bin right there next to the tee-box. They have killed my dog, and one of you pricks had the audacity to walk into my house and use my bathroom without even so much as asking.”

Golfer: *stuttering* “But the course owns it; I’m allowed to—”

My Friend: “No you’re not. My property line extends another twenty feet past the fence line; you are trespassing. I own this house, this yard, and everything in them.”

(My friend picks him up, and tosses him over the fence.)

Golfer: “That’s assault! I am calling the police on you! I paid good money!”

My Friend: “I don’t give a d*** how much you paid; this is private property and according to the state penal code, I can remove you just like I did.”

Golfer: “I’ll sue! I paid good money!”

My Friend: “Go ahead; I’ll be your lawyer.”

(One of the owners shows up and escorts the golfer off the golf course. He is banned from playing there again. My friend now plays free for his trouble.)

Lunch Lady Is No Lady

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am helping a customer who, with her six-year-old son, pick out stain for her deck. I am the only person in the paint department. Another customer comes up to my desk. I call for backup.)

Me: *to Customer #2* “It should only be a few minutes wait.”

(After about 30 more seconds, Customer #2 storms down the aisle to where I am still working with Customer #1.)

Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “This isn’t personal shopper day! Other people need help; you need to get your s*** and leave!” *to me* “Get your a** on the phone and get someone over here to serve me, b****!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, he was with another customer. I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

Customer #2: *goes back to the desk to wait* “B****!”

Me: *to Customer #1* “I’m sorry about that—”

Customer #1’s Young Son: “It’s okay lady! She is my lunch lady, and she is mean to EVERYONE! Don’t listen to her; you’re doing great helping mommy!”