Category: Wild & Unruly

About To Fight On Paper View

| UK | Criminal & Illegal, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a university student who lives at home, and delivers papers to earn extra cash. I’m delivering them close to a school, which has just finished for the day. A group of boys wander over.)

Boy: “I want a paper.”

Me: “These aren’t for you.”

Boy: “I live there.”

(He points to the house behind me, which I’ve just delivered to.)

Me: “Prove it, then. Take out your key, and open the door.”

Boy: “I don’t have to do that! I’m going out with my mates. I’m not going in yet.”

Me: “So you want to carry a newspaper around with you?”

Boy: “I just want a newspaper. I live there!”

Me: “No, you don’t. I know the people who live there, and they don’t have a son. Besides, I’ve just put a paper in there.”

Boy: “Just give me a f****** newspaper!”

(He goes to take one out himself. I sit myself on the paper trolley to prevent him. He tries to pull me off, and I end up pushing him away.)

Boy: “I can do you for assault for that!”

Me: “Call the police; it’ll save me the trouble. You tried to steal from me; you’ve probably left a nasty mark on my arm, and all this can be seen as harassment. Let’s be honest; who are the police going to believe? Me, a university student with a job, or you, a kid who can’t even pull his own trousers up?”

Boy: “F*** you!”

(His mates are starting to wander over. I realize things could turn nasty, so I take a chance.)

Me: “Looks like I don’t have to call them; here’s the police now.”

(I must have good karma, because sure enough, a police car starts driving down the road. The boys scatter. When the car reaches me, it stops and the window lowers.)

Officer: “Were they bothering you?”

Me: “Yes, but I sent them running.”

Officer: “Really? What did you tell them?”

Me: “That I knew Kung Fu.”

A Sim-ple Solution

| East Bakersfield, CA, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

(I’m in line at technical support to get my laptop fixed. A very rude and impatient customer cuts me, and slams his phone down on the counter.)

Me: “Excuse me! You just cut me.”

Rude Customer: *ignoring me* ” You son of a b****! You were supposed to fix my phone eight days ago! What’s with this bull-s***!”

Tech Support: “Sir, we told you; there is nothing wrong with the phone. You just don’t have a sim-card in there.”

Rude Customer: “Bull-s***! I put in a sim-card, and it still doesn’t work!”

Tech Support: “Okay, then. If I see that there is no sim-card, you’re going to apologize to the woman you cut, apologize to me, and get out of my store before I plant my foot so far up your a**, that your grandchildren get the mark.”

(The technician takes the phone and opens the back cover. He starts to laugh.)

Rude Customer: “What’s so f****** funny?!”

Tech Support: “GET. OUT. NOW.”

(The 6’1, 227 lb, tech stands up. He takes his glasses off, and puts them on the counter.)

(The rude customer turns white, then turns to me.)

Rude Customer: “Sorry!”

(The customer literally makes a run out the store, while leaving his phone behind. The technician sits back down and acts as though nothing happened.)

Five Feet Of Fury

| AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Top, Wild & Unruly

(My girlfriend and I are at a friends shop looking for new training pads for her. She is a 5′ tall blond, who weighs 95 lbs. I am 6’1″ and 175 lbs, and the owner is about 6’4″ and 200 lbs. All of us have done different forms of martial arts for over 20 combined years. I am making small talk with the owner by the register, while my girlfriend is looking at more pads.)

Customer: “Hey, where are your training pads?”

Owner: “Just past the speed bags, on the right.”

(About a minute later, we hear a small crash, followed by arguing. We rush over to find the man trying to grab the pads from my girlfriend.)

Customer: “You stupid b****; give me those!”

(He finally manages to pull them out of her hand.)

Girlfriend: “H*** no, I got them first; give them back!”

Customer: “You don’t even need them. I have a fight in two weeks!”

Girlfriend: “Then you should have thought about that sooner!”

(The customer finally notices us; he turns to the owner.)

Customer: “Hey, I need to pay for these pads.”

Owner: “No, she had them first. You need to give them back to her.”

Customer: “No, she is just a dumb b**** who need to learn her place. Get me your manager.”

Owner: “I am the owner here, and I’m going to insist you give the pads back to the young lady and leave.”

Customer: “I need these pads! Who’s going to make me?”

(My girlfriend is fuming, and it is pretty obvious. I cut in.)

Me: “Just give her the pads back, man.”

Customer: “What are you going to do?”

Me: “Nothing, but she will.”

(I point to my girlfriend; the customer laughs.)

Customer: “That puny b**** couldn’t if she wanted to!”

Girlfriend: “Just give them back you a**-hole!

Customer: “You going to make me?”

(My girlfriend kicks the man’s legs out from under him, grabs his arm, and puts it in a hold.)

Customer: “Ow! You stupid b****; let go of me!”

(She holds him down for a few minutes, until he starts to calm down.)

Girlfriend: “Now, are you going to shut up?”

Customer: *meekly* “…yes.”

(She lets the man up, and he scampers out. My girlfriend then turns to the owner, and talks like nothing happened.)

Girlfriend: “Okay, I think I’m all ready.”

(Two weeks later, my gym had an exhibition with another gym. Guess who was my opponent?)

Why Kermit Hops Away From Miss Piggy

| CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

(I fall off a ladder at work, and severely twist my ankle. Eventually, I manage to stand up, and try to hop my way to the manager. An older woman in her sixties stops me.)

Customer: “Are you okay?”

Me: “No, actually, I’ve just fallen off the ladder. I’m just trying to find my manager.”

Customer: “Oh, dear, you shouldn’t be walking on that. Here, get on my back. I’ll give you a piggy back ride.”

Me: “Umm… that’s nice of you, but I can just hop over there.”

(As I’m hopping away…)


Needs To Press Paws

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am cashier at a pet store. I see a man walk into the store, pick up a large and expensive coffee table book on show dogs, and get in my line. My manager has warned me, and shown me a picture of this man. He tries to convince cashiers to give him a refund for items he has just stolen. I immediately page my manager, who, unbeknownst to me, is tied up with a minor medical emergency in the back of the store.)

Thief: “I want to return this item.”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Thief: “No.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. Without a receipt, I cannot give you a refund.”

Thief: “Give me a refund.”

Me: “Sir, I watched you pick that book up when you came in. I know you did not buy it.”

Thief: “Give me the f****** money, or I’ll kick your a**.”

(Most of the customers in my line start backing away.)

Me: “Sir, I cannot give you any money, and if you leave with that item I will call the police. Please leave the store.”

Thief: “You little a**-hole!”

(The thief grabs the front of my shirt, and rears his arm back to punch me. I throw my arms up to shield my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of movement. The next thing I see is a spatter of blood on my counter, and the man out cold on the floor with a bloody nose. My manager, with a paramedic from the earlier emergency, walks up.)

Manager: “What the heck just happened?”

(As I tell my story, an assistant manager calls the police, opens another line, and checks out the waiting customers. The paramedic starts checking on the man, who has a clearly broken nose. The man slowly regains consciousness, and points to me.)

Thief: “She assaulted me! I’m going to sue!”

(I talk to the police.)

Me: “He grabbed me, but I never hit him. I don’t know how he got hurt!”

(The man, a known criminal, is handcuffed and put in the police car. The officers and my manager go to review the security cameras. About ten minutes later, I get called to come back to the office.)

Manager: “You have got to watch this!”

(The camera footage clearly shows the man getting the book, getting in line, arguing with me, and then grabbing my shirt. At that moment, the customer in line after him, a tiny, middle-aged Asian woman, leaps up, grabs the hair on the back of his head, slams his face into my counter, and then calmly steps back to where she had been standing. She did it so quickly, that we have to run the footage back on slow to see exactly what she had done. After the thief is out cold, she walks over to the new line that the assistant manager opened, buys her bag of cat food with cash, and leaves without a word. Apparently, the other customers either didn’t see what she did, or decided to keep their mouths shut. We have no idea who she is, and we never see her again. The thief was charged with assault on me, and arrested. Wherever you are lady, thanks! You’re my personal super hero!)

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