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Category: Wild & Unruly

Give The Workers A (Prison) Break

, | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m on my way home after a hockey social, dressed as a prisoner in a bright orange jumpsuit and trick handcuffs. I’m pretty hungry, so I stop for food. Inside there is a drunk man yelling at the cashiers.)

Drunk: “I said [competitor’s signature item]! This is WRONG!”

Cashier: “I told you, you’re at [place], not [competitor]!”

Drunk: “I know where I am!”

Me: “Oh, do you?”

(He turns to me, and does a double take at my outfit.)

Me: “Because I think you’re in a whole world of trouble.”

(I start advancing, cackling Joker-style.)

Drunk: “What ya gonna do, crazy b****?”

(In answer, I stretch out, making it look like I’ve just torn apart my handcuffs.)

Drunk: “Holy s***!”

(I keep approaching, cackling.)

Drunk: “Psycho b****!”

(He throws his food at me and runs. I reach the counter, and drop the act.)

Me: “Can I get a portion of nuggets, please?”

(The cashier just stares at me for a moment.)

Cashier: “Y’know, I think he was right on the crazy part. Nuggets coming right up.”

Pulling Hair As Well As A Fast One

, | Raunds, England, UK | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m 10 years old. I am helping my father out at his takeaway, being the ‘cashier’. We are Asian. A white customer in her thirties walks in, and orders some food. I call my dad’s friend to make it, and he does. He brings it out and leaves.)

Me: “Okay, miss, that will be £30.00.”

Customer: “What? Oh no, darling; I’m the old owner’s daughter! I get my food for free!”

Me: “£30.00.”

Customer: “FREE. Give me my food for free, sweetheart.”

Me: “Please pay £30.00.”

Customer: “Dearie, I get it for free. My father—bless him, he’s 60 now—is the owner, and lets me have it for free! Give it to me!”

Me: “I don’t believe my father is 60; he is only 40. And we are Asian; you are a White person. Now, please pay for your food, or I will be forced to call the police.”

Customer: “You cheeky lying little brat!”

(She grabs my hair, and pulls hard.)

Customer: “Give me my free food now! Or I’ll spank your bum so hard you will die! You’re just a worthless teenager trying to earn money you don’t deserve!”

Me: “Daddy! Daddy! A lady’s got my hair, and she says you’re her daddy, and, and, gets f-food for free!”

(My dad runs in.)

Dad: “Stop! She’s only 10! You’re hurting her! I will call the police!”

(The customer goes pale, and runs out the door. I’ve not been back there in two years.)

Reminder: Wild & Unruly Themed Giveaway

Not Always Right | Announcements, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly
Want to win a Not Always Right t-shirt?
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Wild & Unruly!

Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

  1. Submit a funny or interesting story about wild & unruly customers.
  2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
  3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Right shop!

PS: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, July 3!

A Competitive Throwdown Of The Stock

| UK | Money, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(An older customer is looking at the sweets.)

Old Customer: “How much is this bar of chocolate?”

Me: “That’s [amount].”

Old Customer: “Really? it is only [smaller amount] at [competitor].”

(The old customer puts the chocolate bar down, and picks up a packet of crisps.)

Old Customer: “How much are these?”

Me: “Those are [amount].”

(The old customer huffs and throws them down.)

Old Customer: “That is outrageous! They are only [smaller amount] at [competitor]!”

Me: “I am sorry, but because they are a large chain store, they can charge a little better than us. Because we are independent, our prices are a little higher.”

Old Customer: “You are just trying to rob an old lady! These are cheaper at [competitor]; you should be ashamed!”

(The old customer starts to throw the chocolates around.)

Me: “You’re more than welcome to shop there, ma’am. Please stop throwing those on the floor.”

Old Customer: “Why would I go there! It’s half way across town! You expect an old lady to walk all that way! You are a disgrace with no respect for your elders!”

(She starts to walk out of the shop.)

Old Customer: “You are robbers! Daylight robbers!”

(She leaves by throwing more stock on the floor.)

Should Have Stayed Clear Of The Bottle

| UK | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work in a little cafe near my friend’s dojo. She often comes by after practice. A shifty looking man enters, approaches the counter, and pulls a knife.)

Robber: “Empty the f****** till.”

(I start to do so. I see my friend approaching through the window. It’s a cold day, so she’s wearing a hoody with her judo jacket over the top. I try and get her attention.)

Robber: “Hurry the f*** up!”

(I drop some money under the counter in my fear. I bend down to pick it up. The man rests his knife hand on the counter, and leans over to make sure I’m not phoning the police.)

My Friend: “Everything okay?”

Me: “Yeah… just… getting this man his change.”

(My voice is shaking. She can tell something is up. She crosses to the fridge cabinet.)

My Friend: “Oh, you’ve still got [brand drink]. It comes in a glass bottle! Just what I need after practice!”

(She comes up behind the man and, without warning, slams the bottle down on the hand holding the knife. She slams hard enough to shatter the bottle. He screams, dropping the knife. He grabs for it with his other hand, but she wraps one arm around his throat and puts the broken bottle to the underside of his chin.)

My Friend: “Don’t even think about it.”

(I call the police, and the robber is arrested. My friend is warned about using excessive force, and given a lifetime supply of free drinks by my manager.)

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