(If a customer calls us and is interested in looking at a vehicle, especially if they are out of state, then their salesman will ask them to put down a deposit on the car so it can’t be sold before they arrive to look at it. The deposit is 100% refundable if they decide they don’t want it, or they can factor that into the down payment if they do want the car.

A sales manager gives me some paperwork for a customer who wants their deposit back. Easy enough, I just need the credit card number, so I call them.)

Me: Hi, is this (customer?)

Customer: Yeah.

Me: Hi, this is (my name) from (dealership), how are you today?

Customer: Good.

Me: Good. I understand you want a refund on the deposit you put down?

Customer: Yeah.

Me: Okay. I will get that going, I just need the credit card number of the card you paid with.

Customer: Why?

Me: We don’t keep credit card numbers.

Customer: Who is this?

Me: (dealership).

Customer: And what is this for?

M: A refund for the deposit you put on (truck).

Customer: Is this a scam?

Me: No, ma’am.

Customer: Liar! It’s a scam! I didn’t put no deposit down!

Me: Is this (customer)?

Customer: No, bitch! I ain’t even old enough to drive a minivan!

(The customer hangs up on me. I go back to the sales manager and tell him what happened. He verified the number was correct, called the customer, and got the credit card number for me. And the customer sounded older than 14 or 15 to me, though I don’t know how old someone has to be to drive a minivan.)

My oldest goddaughter cut me off from kissing her a few years back. We’ve made sure to teach her that she gets to decide what she consents to with her body, and so I respect her wishes not to kiss her.

A year after I was cut off from giving her kisses this happened. To avoid confusion I’m going to call the older goddaughter Alice and the younger sister Beth.

Me (jokingly): “did you eat the last of my cake?”

Alice: “no, it was her!” (pointing to sister)

Me: “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure mommy said that Alice ate the last of the cake”

Alice: “I’m Beth and she (pointing to sister) is Alice”

Me: “Oh really, I could of sworn you were Alice?”

Alice: “nope! I’m Beth and Alice ate all our cake!”

Me: “well you know Beth lets me kiss her, so if you’re Beth does that mean I get to kiss you?

Alice: “uh huh”

Me: “Okay!”

*I excitedly give her a kiss for the first time in a year*

*a little while later her mother has come down stairs while Alice is still pretending to be her sister*

Me (to mother): “watch this. Are you still Beth?

Alice: “yes!”

Me: “great, then I can kiss you!”

*I go in as if to kiss her*

Alice: “no, you can’t kiss me”

Me: “but it’s Alice I’m not allowed to kiss, I thought I was allowed to kiss Beth. Are you Alice now?”

Alice: “no I’m Beth, and you can’t kiss me or Alice!”

Me (mock-horrified voice): “You mean I can’t kiss either of my favorite goddaughters any more!?”

Alice: “nope!”

Me: “but then who am I going to kiss now?”

Alice (with a very evil grin): “No One!”

I have been the receptionist of an office building with multiple tenants for 2 years. I remember the floor of each tenant by heart.

One day, a new employee (NE) for a company that rents the 2nd floor came for the first time.

Me: here is your office badge for the doors and the lift. Did <the hiring manager> told you to go upstairs or to wait here?

NE: he told me to go to the 4th floor right away.

Me: not 2nd floor?

NE: 4th floor. The company is on the 4th floor, right?

Me: no. They’re on the 2nd floor. 4th floor is rented by another company.

NE: ah. Ok

Me: ok. You can go up to the 2nd floor. Just turn right from the lift.

NE: so I can find him on the 4th floor, right?

Me: …… most probably not.

I was on my weekly video chat with my goddaughters and it’s just become my youngest (3 years old) goddaughter’s turn to get the tablet. Almost immediately we get this exchange.

Goddaughter: “I’m going to hang up on you!”

Me (in mock-shocked voice): “Oh no don’t hang up on me! anything but that!!”

*She continues to very slowly lower her finger towards the off button, drawing out the moment while madly cackling the whole time*

Me: “noooooooo!”

*she finally hangs up. I wait and about 5 seconds later I get a video call back*

Me (mock angry): “You hung up on me!”

Goddaughter (Proudly grinning): “yep!”

Perhaps I shouldn’t have encouraged this ‘game’, as she apparently decided it was so fun it deserves to be repeated. Here is roughly how our last video chat went:

Me: “hey what are you doing!” *click*

*calls back*

Me: “You hang up on-” *click*

*calls back*

Me: “He why are you -” *click*

*calls back*

Me: “Hey you don’t you-” *click*

She spent more then 10 minutes doing nothing but hanging up on me, then calling me back so she could hang up again, laughing the whole time. Admittedly I was sort of encouraging it by using my ‘play voice’ rather then a more serious tone. Still, I’m starting to think I have created a monster…

Caller: Are you able to take a look in my cart online and tell me if everything will arrive on Monday? I have one item that says it’s going to arrive in 2 weeks.

(If the customer is logged in on our site, we will tell you if an item is in stock and provide crazy accurate delivery time estimates. If they’re not logged in, it will give delivery estimates based on the IP address. Things happen, though – customer forgets to log in, an item is out of stock, the IP address is showing New York when the customer is actually in California, website glitches, etc., so checking stock is no big deal.)

Me: (gets his information and finds his saved order) Okay, everything is showing in my system that it’ll arrive Monday. Which item is showing 2 weeks?

Caller: Oh, I deleted it from my cart before I called.

Me: So…Nothing is currently showing 2 weeks?

Caller: Nope.

Me: Did you want me to check out the item you deleted?

Caller: Nope.

Me: …Super. Have a great day!