While working as a relief Housing Officer in a maximum security prison, I observed the Housing Unit inmates returning from supper. Two inmates started to argue, so I called one over to my desk. I told him he should cool off, and go to his cell, which was his destination, anyway. He asked, “Why do you assume that I’m the one starting trouble? ” I said, “Come on Bob, you’re still wearing your One Percenter patch!”

I get out of my 4th cardio operation this year (it was successful) and the COVID 19 was gobbling up all the hospital beds in my region
The hospital quickly shipped me off to a rehab center for Cardio rehab, to free up a real hospital bed, so I was ga-ga when they dumped me in rehab; but each day I got better and stronger

Then the rehab center decided they wanted to rehab my entire body and refused to give me a release date. Arthritis; diabetic tendencies, you name it, they wanted to bring me back to factory specs, never mind that I was 73 years old and burning up my med insurance.

That’s where it got humorous.

I informed them, in my usual tactless way, that I was a cranky old hippie who didn’t take orders well to begin with,
Married to an equally cranky old redneck woman with a similar attitude towards authority.

They got me the name of a good female LPN who could tackle diabetes and cranky old hippies, but they still were never cooperative when I tried to check out.
.
So one day my pretty but fearsome redneck wife just showed up in the middle of the day with the arthritis wheelchair that I use for long distances, and wheeled me out the door, down the main aisle of the Rehab center, and no one dared to stop her.

Well, we had threatened to bring a squad of young male blue collar types of they tried to stop us I was loudly singing “Movin’ On” by Bad Company as she pushed me out the door.

The County called me a week later; I assured them that I can walk and drive for (Short!) distances and that I have an LPN for my diabetes, Don’t even need insulin. Just pills, I don’t need no freaking rehab center, I have a smart LPN.

Being the rebellious old rocker that I am, I always think of the old Rick James song
“Bustin’ Out of L7”, when I remember rehab. I think a couple of the song’s lines are
“We’re bustin’ out of this too-straight place
It’s much too square for freaks like us”

Do not go gentle into that Good Night, as the poet Dylan Thomas said.

Peace and Love…

Overheard while at work.
Coworker 1: “You seem cranky today, who pooped in your cheerios today?”
Coworker 2: “My cat.”
Coworker 1: “… you know that’s a figure of speech right?”
Coworker 2: “I tried telling my cat that, but I don’t think he cared.”
Coworker 1: “So your cat actually…?”
Coworker 2: “Steaming turd fell right in my son’s bowl as I was pouring the cereal for him”
Coworker 1: “Ah. My condolences”
Coworker 2: “So now do you get why I’m having a shitty day?”
Coworker 1: “Was the pun intentional?”
Coworker 2: “What? No!”
Coworker 1: “Oh”

And then they both awkwardly returned to work.

So this happened. My hubby is a huge gamer. Always has been. However, since we’re generally broke, we don’t always have the option to upgrade to new hardware.
This sets the stage. Hubby’s PS4 has been on the fritz for a while now. It’s old and tends to overheat, so we can’t use it for long. No big, he’s generally on Xbox nowadays. However, there are games that are not cross platform or don’t exist on Xbox.
Enter our neighbor across the street. Said neighbor is currently on medical leave from his job and is also a huge gamer. He and hubby will play together for hours. Not that I mind, in fact I’ll join them for certain games. Neighbor decides that he wants to play a certain PS game with hubby. Can’t, because PS is the suck.
Last night, invites hubby out to “go look at a laptop” since hubby knows his way around a computer.
That’s not what they did. Instead, they ended up at a Target across town, where neighbor picked up a PS5 and presented it to hubby. It is now sitting in our bedroom.
Get yourself a gamer friend, people. They can be the most awesomely generous people on the planet.

I used to work in the kitchen of a hotel restaurant, and later on im my time there, they hired a remarkably attractive girl. She was placed to work alongside me.

Now, I was fully aware of how to conduct myself in the workplace as opposed to your local college hangout, and I did make a point to remain professional while working with her. However, a co-worker of mine with whom I’d become close friends with pulled me aside one day and said “Please don’t say anything about this, I don’t want to start any drama, but I just thought you should know who you’re working with.” She hands me her phone, and it is opened to this girl’s Facebook page.

Posting: “Just started work at (hotel) and I have the honor of working next to the UGLIEST dude I’ve ever seen. His nose takes up about half his face, he has big bee-stung lips (further insulting remarks about my appearance…) and worst of all, I think he likes me! Why does my life SUCK so much?

Friend’s response: Is he flirting with you or asking for your number? Because that’s sexual harassment.

Her: No, but everytime I ask him something, he always smiles as he answers, and he doesn’t do that with anyone else. And everytime our eyes meet, he slightly smiles, and I just want to throw up everytime he does! I tried to find his Facebook profile so I could block him so he won’t even THINK of looking me up and bothering me, but I can’t find him anywhere. But why do I always attract either losers, simps, or people who look like they’re auditioning for horror movies? It’s so despressing!

I handed the phone back.

Me: Thanks for heads up.

Co-worker: You’re welcome. And for the record, between you and her, I don’t think you’re the ugly one…and I’m not talking about appearances.

From then on, I made a point to keep my dealings with her ultra professional: I would only give a simple nod whenever she’d say hello to me, deliberately avoided eye contact with her, would only help her with something if she specifically asked me to (and do nothing beyond that), would give a direct “textbook” answer to any questions she’d ask, and would give one worded responses to any small talk she’d try to make during our downtime.

Curiously, this seemed to make her become interested, as she would then always do such as offer me a cigarette during break, offer me a ride when she’d see me walking to work, persistently ask friendly questions about myself, or brightly smile and wave when I’d show up for my shift.

A couple of months later, she gave several co-workers invitations to a graduation party she was throwing–and I received one as well, which quietly went into the hotel dumpster. When the day came, I was relaxed on my couch and playing video games when my phone alerted me to a voicemail that came from another co-worker’s number.

Message: Hi, it’s (Mean Girl)! (Co-worker) had your number, that’s how I’m calling you! Hey, did you forget about my party? I can swing by and pick you up if you want, I don’t mind! You can call me back at (…) we’re having a blast here!

*Press 1 to delete this message–boop!–Message deleted!*

The following week when I showed up to my shift, she asked me:

Mean Girl: Hey, can I ask you something?

Me: You need help with something?

Mean Girl: No, no, I just wanted to know why you didn’t come to my party. And not only that, but, like, you always have this slight glare on your face whenever you look at me. And when I try to be nice to you…I mean, do you just not like me?

Me: Well…I’ll just say this. I don’t have Facebook, but other people do. And for your information, the reason you couldn’t find me on there is because I deleted my profile after people were always commenting about my bee stung lips and my nose that takes up half of my face. Just curious, did you remember to block my phone number so I wouldn’t even think of bothering you?

I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone turn as red in the face as she did.

According to my co-worker, she immediately deleted the post. And then requested to be switched to early morning shifts.

Two things I learned from that ordeal: One, it’s amazing the kinds of things people can say behind your back but not to your face and two, it’s even more amazing how you can actually attract some people by not showing any interest at all!