I’m in the produce department of my local supermarket. One of the employees is restocking heads of iceberg lettuce. Just as another customer and I are passing him, he drops one of the lettuces and it trundles several feet down the aisle.
Customer: (Deadpan) Heads will roll!”
(I walked into a convenience store. I see an older man talking to a teen, who blushes and walks off hurriedly. I go to make my purchase when the elderly man approaches me.)
Man: Would you give me a hand job for $2?
Me: Excuse me?
Man: A hand job. You know what that is? I’ll give you $2.
Me: Sir, I’m pretty certain my boyfriend wouldn’t like that.
Man: I’m not flirtin’ or nothin’.
Me: No, I won’t.
(The clerk is doubled over with laughter.)
Me: Did he ask the kid that, too?
Clerk: Yeah. I want to call the cops, but it’s just so funny …
(After serving an older gentleman as he is turning to leave, saying goodbye in my usual casual friendly manner after a pleasant transaction)
Me: See you later!
(Customer looks me up and down with a disgusted face)
Customer: I don’t think so.