Category: Uncategorized

May The Customers Be Ever In Your Favor

, | Auckland, NZ | Uncategorized

(I work at a very busy fast food chain, so we often take our customers’ names and call them to the counter when their food is ready.)

Me:” Your name please, ma’am?”

Customer: “Primrose Everdeen.”

Me: “Thank you, could you please wait by the window? We’ll call you up when your meal is ready.”

(At this point, I’m thinking that this customer is a bit strange, but I let it pass. A few minutes pass.)

Coworker: “Primrose Everdeen.”

Customer: “I volunteer!”

Related:
May The Employees Be Ever In Your Favor

Discussing Green Cards Until You’re Red In The Face

| MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a drug store as a photo tech. Part of my job is taking passport photos. I take the photo then run it through a software program to ensure it meets standards for a passport photo. I have no leeway on the size of the photo. I cannot make it smaller or larger.)

Customer: “I need a Green Card photo.”

Me: “I can’t do Green Card photos.”

Customer: “But I need a Green Card photo.”

(He speaks pretty decent English, and his accompanying wife speaks flawless English.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not even sure where you would go for that. It needs to be taken in a very specific way and I don’t have the software to do a Green Card photo.”

Customer: “Just take the photo!”

Me: “I can take a passport photo for you, but it won’t be the right size.”

Customer: “Take the photo!”

Me: “I’ll take a passport photo for you, but it won’t be what you need.”

(The customer speaks to his wife in their native language.)

Customer’s Wife: “Shut up, she knows what she’s doing.”

Me: “I actually don’t, because we don’t do Green Card photos and I assure you, this is not going to be what you need. This photo will be too large to use.”

Customer’s Wife: “You’ll do fine, dear.”

(I take the photo, explain to them again it will not be what they need. At their insistence, I process the photo and tell them as it develops it will not be what they need. I hand the finished product over.)

Customer: “It’s not the right size!”

Me:” I know. I do not have the capability to do a proper Green Card photo. This is the smallest photo I can make for you.”

Customer: “It’s too big!” *brandishes credit card at me, mistaking it for Green Card* “This size, this size!”

(I decide to make one last attempt at explaining this before I call my manager, who I love but I know is having a bad day.)

Me: “I do not have Green Card specification software. The only identification photos I can take accurately are passport photos. My computer is not capable of making a Green Card photo.”

Customer: *pauses* “Well, why the h*** didn’t you just tell me that?!”

Me: “I did, love. Five separate times. Have a great day, folks!”

Put A Cork In It

| Newcastle, England, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer has just ordered a large glass of wine. She returns to me at the bar having drunk a good two-thirds of the glass.)

Me: “Hello, madam, is there a problem?”

Customer: “This wine is corked.”

Me: “Excuse me, madam?”

Customer: *points to glass* “This wine is corked. See?”

(I look at the glass and there is a small white object in her drink. I take the glass from her and see that its actually a piece of beer mat.)

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but this wine isn’t corked. ‘Corking’ is a term used when the structure of the cork, on a molecular level, has allowed oxygen into the wine bottle before it has been opened and turned it sour or unpleasant. This glass has just got a piece of cork in it. In all honesty, madam, that just looks like a small piece of beer mat, not cork. Are you wanting to make a complaint?”

Customer: “That’s what I meant. The wine is a bit sour. It’s not very nice. It must have gone off, like you said, because the cork has let some air into it.”

Me: “Would you like to point out which wine you purchased madam?”

Customer: *points to bottle* “That one.”

Me: “Are you sure, madam?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “That brand of wine is a screw-top, madam.”

(The customer just stands there for a few seconds, then turns around and returns to her table. Five minutes later, her and her partner leave.)