Category: Uncategorized

Bad Pickup Lines, Parte Deux

| Philadelphia, PA | Uncategorized

Bookstore Customer: “You have beautiful green eyes.”

Me: “They’re blue.”


Signs Point To Yes

, | Arcadia, CA | Uncategorized

Sandwich Shop Worker: “Would you like mustard or mayonnaise on your sandwich?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(Sandwich shop worker stares)

Customer: “Oops! I mean. Um…mayonnaise.”

Sandwich Shop Worker: “How would you like to pay? Cash or credit?”

Customer: “Okay.”

(Sandwich shop worker stares some more)

Monday Monday

| Unknown Location | Uncategorized

Hotel Guest: “Do you have rooms available on Monday?”

Me: “What date?”

Guest: “Monday!”

Me: “No, what date?”

Guest: (In an, aren’t you f**king psychic tone) “Jeez, the 11th.”

Me: “Of what month?”

Guest: “MONDAY!”

Always Listen To Your Mother

| West Virginia | Uncategorized

Lady Looking At A Coat: “Oh, I don’t know if I can afford it!”

Lady’s Mother: “You’ll have to sell your body on the street to pay for it, hun.”

Who Needs Math When You Can Sue

| Philadelphia, PA | Uncategorized

Pizza Customer: “I ordered a pizza, half pepperoni, half sausage … and half plain.”

Me: “Lady, there’s only two halves in a whole.”

Pizza Customer: “I know there are only two halves in a whole! I’m a lawyer; this treatment is unfair and I demand satisfaction!”