Category: Uncategorized

When Colloquialisms Meet Capitalism

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(I’ve just rung up a customer up for cigarettes.)

Customer: “I’m gonna zip-zip it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Zip-zip!”

Me: “I don’t know what that means.”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “I’m going to use my zip-zip card!”

Customer’s Daughter: “Zip-zip? Gosh, Mom! It’s a credit card.”

Me: “Oooh. You can slide that right over there.” *pointing to the card machine*

Customer: “Which button do I press? It’s asking me to pick payment type.”

Me: “…credit?”

Keep The Paranoia, Keep The Stress

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(Our tea store hands out free samples in the mall in small two ounce cups to people walking by the store. An older woman walks by one day.)

Me: “Would you like to try some tea, ma’am?”

Customer: *smiling* “Why yes! I love tea! What flavors do you have?”

Me: “Well, I have a relaxing green tea, and…”

(At this point the woman’s expression changes and she cuts me off mid-sentence, waving her hand in my face.)

Customer: “Oh forget it! I don’t want to relax! Forget it! You should be ashamed!” *storms off*

Dude, Where’s My Brain

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(Two guys walk into our video rental store, find their video, and come up to pay.)

Coworker: “What’s your phone number?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s [phone number].”

Coworker: “Okay, so Chris [last name]?”

Customer’s friend: “Holy s*** man, he knows your name!” *turns to my coworker* “Dude, what’s my name?!”

Coworker: “…”

Customer: “Dude, I have an account here.”

Customer’s friend: “Oh. I’m going to go wait in the car…”