Category: Transportation

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His Request Is Dead In The Water

| MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Transportation

(My last customer of the day/week is absolutely irate because company policy prevents us from moving his 55-gallon aquarium, which is full of 20 fish and 50 gallons of water.)

Customer: “Jesus Christ, this is ridiculous. You’re telling me that you’re a professional moving company, and you won’t move an aquarium.”

Me: “Not if it is full. We move aquariums, but they must be completely emptied out prior to move day.”

Customer: “What am I supposed to do with 20 fish and 50 gallons of water?!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I and my friend moved this thing BY OURSELVES the last time I moved.”

Me: “Sir, when you put a full aquarium on a truck with the rest of your belongings, it is very likely that the water would spill onto your other items and ruin them. It’s also likely that water would cause our men to slip and hurt themselves. We can’t transport liquids of any kinds due to the safety hazard.”

Customer: “It won’t spill because I let 4-5 inches evaporate because I knew I was moving. I could move this thing myself; I just don’t WANT to do it. This is f****** ridiculous. I want to speak to a manager.”

Me: “I’d LOVE for you to speak with my manager.”

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That Scam Back-Tired

| USA | Liars & Scammers, Money, Popular, Transportation

(The phone rings.)

Me: “[Tire Shop].”

Customer: “I’m looking for a price on 10 ply [Brand] mud tires for my truck.”

Me: “Certainly, let me look at the computer and see what the price is on those… Looks like the price is [price] each.”

Customer: “No, that’s too high. I can get them somewhere else for [impossibly low price below wholesale].”

Me: “Well, in that case I’d get them for that price, because I can’t even get them for that price.”

Customer: *stammers, then is suddenly angry* “Uh… ah… are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “Huh, what?”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “Not at all, I’m just saying that wherever you found them for [low price] sounds like a good deal because that’s below what I could possibly get them for. Where did you even find them for that price? I might want to get some at that price, provided they’re not used or stolen.”

Customer: *click*

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Being Foggy With The Specifics

| USA | Time, Transportation

(I receive a phone call from an airline dispatcher regarding a weather forecast. Why he’s calling the air traffic control tower and not the weather service is beyond me but I think I may have solved that issue for good.)

Airline Dispatcher: “What time is the fog going to lift?”

Me: *busy and tired of dealing with the inane* “9:47.”

Airline Dispatcher: *after a short pause* “Wow, that’s pretty specific. Are you sure?”

Me: “I’d bet your life on it.”