Category: Transportation

Trying To Ferret Out A Deal

| AL, USA | Pets & Animals, Transportation

(I work in a bicycle shop. A man walks in while his wife looks around a bit before joining us.)

Customer: “Hi, I was looking to get into road biking as a means of commuting to and from work. Do you have any recommendations?”

Me: “Certainly! If you’re looking for a decently-priced road bike that has comfort built in, I would look at the [Bike]. It’s my personal favorite in the whole shop.”

(The customer’s wife has just joined us.)

Customer’s Wife: “Which bike are you looking at?”

Customer: “He’s showing me [Bike], and it looks really nice.”

Customer’s Wife: “I’ll let you buy it if you get me another ferret.”

Customer: “That… that’s actually really tempting.”

Me: *taken slightly aback* “Another ferret?”

Customer’s Wife: “Well, sure! We have five right now, three girls and two boys! We need another boy to balance it out.”

Me: “Sounds logical to me.”

Customer: *mulls over the idea*

Customer’s Wife: “Pleeeeaaase?”

Me: *jokingly* “Do it for the ferret!”

Customer: “Don’t encourage her. I don’t know…”

(Seeing this as an opportunity to joke some more with the customer’s wife, I point her over to the cruiser bikes.)

Me: “And here, ma’am, you should check out these bikes! They come with baskets, so you can take the ferrets with you!”

Customer’s Wife: “Ooh, yes! We should totally get one!”

(Cue exasperation from the customer. Sadly, the couple left without a bike.)

Directionless With Languages

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Transportation

(I’m working the electronics counter at a large retail store. A woman comes up to the counter and stares at the GPS systems. I ask if she needs help with anything.)

Customer: “My old GPS broke and I need a new one, but can you help me please find one that is in English?”

Me: “All the systems come pre-installed with English.”

Customer: “Really? My old system speaks a language I don’t understand and that’s why I need a new one.”

Me: “Ma’am, is your old GPS in the car? Can you bring it in?”

(She retrieved the GPS from her car and I took less than a minute to reset the language for her. She was nearly in tears because she was so grateful.)

Not Even Time To Air One’s Grievances

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(It is almost 6:30 am and I get out of my car to walk to the fuel center to open for the day. When I’m halfway there I bid good morning to a lady at a pump.)

Customer: “…Do you work here?”

Me: *looks down at uniform* “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: *flicks receipt* “I got gas. Does the air machine work?”

(Our customers get complimentary air with a same visit gas purchase.)

Me: “As far as I know, yes. I can turn it on for you as soon as I get inside. Go ahead and pull up to the machine.”

(I take not six steps; the kiosk is still a few yards away.)

Customer: “Is it on yet?”

Unable To Find The Path

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Funny Names, Transportation

Customer: “I need a part for my ‘pad sander.'”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we sell automotive parts, not tools.”

Customer: “No, I need part for my pad sander. ‘Pad sander!'”

Me: “Again, sir, we only sell automotive parts. Perhaps you should check with [Other Store]?”

Customer: “No, no, no. I need part for my ‘pad sander.’ My Nissan ‘Pad Sander.'”

Me: “Do you mean Nissan Pathfinder?”

Customer: “Yes! Are you an idiot or deaf?”

Should Have Been Trained In This

| Wales, UK | School, Technology, Transportation

(There is a Victorian Tram in the county’s most popular resort town. It is owned by the county council, and since most group bookings are long-distance and well ahead of time, the ‘dedicated’ Tramway booking line actually just gets diverted to our office, with a different ringtone/screen display than other calls.)

Me: “Bore da. Good morning. [Tramway].”

Customer: “Hiya, yep; I wanna book my school onto the Tram.”

Me: “No problem. What dates did you have in mind?”

(The customer and I continue to exchange questions over the phone without a hitch until I get to the last question…)

Me: “And does your group have any other special requirements?”

Customer: “Yes, can you let me know if the wi-fi is charged separately?”

Me: “What wi-fi, Mrs [Customer]?”

Customer: “The built-in wi-fi on the Tram.”

Me: “Mrs [Customer], I’m afraid there isn’t wi-fi on the Victorian Tram.”

Customer: “Well, okay. Do you know if the in-built DVD drive can play a normal CD?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is not a built-in DVD drive, either. The Tram is very old.”

Customer: “I KNOW it’s old. I wanted to play the children a clip from [TV show] which did a feature on the Tram; it says it has barely been altered mechanically since it opened. I thought the children could watch it whilst they were actually ON the tram.”

Me: “‘Barely altered’ includes not decking out the Tram with wi-fi, TVs or DVD players, Mrs [Customer]. Most people like to enjoy the views during the tram ride and we have [summit centre] with the facilities to play them if you want to show your presentation there before descending again?”

Customer: “No, I wanted them to see it on the Tram itself. I can’t believe it hasn’t had an upgrade.”

Me: “Lack of upgrade is sort of the point. I’m sorry I can’t help you. Would you still like me to confirm the booking?”

Customer: “Not yet, I’ll check with [Headteacher] first. He needs to know about this.”

(The headteacher phones back several days later to confirm, apologising for the teacher – whom he described as ‘a bit dipsy.’)

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