Category: Transportation

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The Engine Of Your Destruction

| Denver, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(This customer has had their vehicle towed in.)

Me: “So, what issues are you having?”

Customer: “It won’t start.”

Me: “Okay, let me take a look and I’ll call you right back.”

(As I approach the vehicle I can see metal pieces on the ground. The customer’s engine had literally exploded and chunks of broken engine parts fell out whenever it was moved. I look up their service history to see if they could even hope for warranty coverage. They had no oil changes in over 28,000 miles.)

Me: “Due to lack of maintenance your engine is destroyed and needs to be replaced. The cost for this repair is around $6000.”

Customer: “Well, it’s a lease, so can’t I just turn it in?”

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Locked Yourself Out Of Your Brain

| Denver, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Transportation

(I’m the customer in this story. I got in on a very late flight on a business trip, rented a car, and received what appeared to be the valet key set, without a remote. I’m not able to open the car door the next morning using the key. When I call the rental agency, I’m polite but feeling very self-righteous over having been given something obviously defective. After a rather lengthy phone call, they agree to send a locksmith to meet me in front of my hotel as soon as possible. I meet him & walk him out to where my car is parked.)

Me: “Thanks for coming. I have a coworker who can take me into the office, but the agency said I needed to meet you here to see if you can get the door open so I can take the car back.”

Locksmith: “No problem. So, the key doesn’t work to unlock it?”

Me: “Yeah. Last night I was able to turn the car on and I was able to lock it, but now I can’t get the key to turn in the lock!”

Locksmith: “Okay, there doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with this lock. You said you were able to lock the car with your keys last night?”

Me: “Yes. Well, I think. It was late, and now I don’t remember if I used the key or just flipped the lock manually before closing the door.”

Locksmith: “Uh huh. So, it’s not hard to pop these kinds of doors, but there are a couple of things. One, we wanna make sure you can turn on the car after I open the door, just in case the key is warped.”

Me: “Definitely!”

Locksmith: “And also, I’m noticing there’s an identical gray Kia SUV five parking spots down in the parking lot. Now, opening this door is pretty much like breaking into a car. Are you completely sure it’s this one and not that one?”

Me: “I know where I parked last night!”

Locksmith: “Well, if you’re sure. You said it was pretty late.”

Me: “Umm, now that you mention it…”

(Yes, I had mistaken a total stranger’s car for my rental. I’m just lucky I didn’t try to have that total stranger’s car towed, thinking there was something wrong with it!)

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Time For Her To Re-Tire

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(I work at a large chain auto parts store.)

Customer: “Do you plug tires?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we do not.”

Customer: “I have a hole in my tire. I just got air and it’s leaking out. It’s on top and I need something to put on it so I can drive home.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t have anything you can put—”

Customer: “Do you have any tape?”

Me: *stifling a laugh* “The only tape I have is scotch tape and that won’t work.”

Customer: “Can I have a piece?”

(I tear her off about six inches of tape and watch as she goes outside, puts it on her tire and drives off!)

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Doesn’t Have The Drive To Study Geography

| WV, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Transportation

(As I ring up a customer’s purchases, she gets chatty.)

Customer: “My neighbor is from Puerto Rico.”

Me: “That’s neat!”

Customer: “Yeah. Have you ever been to Puerto Rico?”

Me: “No, I haven’t. It would be nice to visit, though.”

Customer: “I think I’m going to try to go with them to visit sometime.”

Me: “That sounds fun.”

Customer: “How long do you think it takes to drive to Puerto Rico?”

Me: *thinking she’s kidding* “Oh, about as long as it takes to invent a floating car.”

Customer: “Oh. So, like, a long time?”

Me: “Yeah…”

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A Ringside Seat For The Battle Of The Seat

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I am on the train traveling from California to Colorado. A few minutes after I get on, the conductor announces that the train will be completely filled due to the holidays. Slips of paper are hung over the seats to indicate they are occupied, so travelers can go to the dining car or observation car and not have their seat taken. A few stops after I get on, when the train is not completely full yet, an older woman boards. A conductor helps her with her luggage. She immediately hones in on the only empty window seat left, which is directly across the aisle from me.)

Conductor: “Ma’am, you cannot sit there. That seat is already occupied.”

Lady: “I don’t see anyone sitting here.

Conductor: “They aren’t here now, but that paper shows the seat is reserved. And their stuff is on the seat.” *a plastic bag is hanging from the armrest near the window*

Lady: “Well, since they aren’t here, I’m going to sit here.”

Conductor: “Ma’am, you can’t do that. Someone already claimed that seat. You have to sit somewhere else.”

Lady: “I don’t want to sit somewhere else.”

Conductor: “But you can’t sit there.”

Lady: “But I picked this seat.”

Conductor: “Someone else already picked that seat. You need to pick another one.”

Lady: “I’m sitting here. I’ll just move whenever they get back.”

Conductor: “Fine.”

(About a half hour later, the man returns to his seat and finds it occupied.)

Man: “Ma’am, you’re in my seat.”

Lady: “This is my seat.”

Man: “No, it’s not. Those are my things. This is my seat. You need to move.”

Lady: “You weren’t here, so I sat here. You can sit somewhere else.”

Man: “No. This is my seat. You need to move.”

Lady: “I don’t want to move.”

Man: “That’s too bad. You’re in my seat.”

(By this point, I am struggling to contain laughter, incredulous at the woman’s behavior. I didn’t speak up at first because the man was clearly not cowed by the crazy lady’s behavior, but I finally decide he needs some help.)

Me: “Ma’am, the conductor told you that was someone’s seat. You told him that you would move when the person returned.”

(The crazy lady gives me an evil glare and humphs.)

Lady: “Well, FINE, then.”

(She makes a big show of struggling to stand up, when she had been clearly mobile before. The train is nearly full at this point, and there is not an empty seat in sight.)

Man: “Ma’am, the seat next to mine is empty if you want to sit there.”

Lady: “FINE.” *she continues to grumble under her breath*

(Several hours later, the man got up again and left for a while. When I glanced over again, the crazy lady was back in his seat, clearly looking smug. I went to sleep before he returned and his stop was at 5 am, before I woke up, so I didn’t get to see if there was another confrontation, but for the rest of the trip the crazy lady finally officially had her window seat.)

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