Category: Transportation

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We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Boat Insurance

| Columbia, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Transportation

(I answer phones at a boat repair shop. We live in an area where bass fishing is BIG business and have a mobile repair truck that we dispatch to docks and people’s backyards.)

Me: “Good morning. Thank you for calling—”

Caller #1: *interrupts me* “Oh, thank god you are there. I really need your need help!”

(The caller sounds like a teenager.)

Me: “Okay, how can I help—”

Caller #1: “I really need you to get out here and fix a [type & size of] motor. TODAY!”

Me: “We are booked up right now. We won’t have time to come see it until next week.”

Caller #1: “NO, NO, PLEASE! You have to come TODAY! My dad is going to kill me!”

Me: “Okay, calm down. I can send someone out but it will be a $100 charge to even come see it.”

Caller #1: “$100! I don’t have that kind of money! I… I…”

Me: *in a motherly tone* “Hon, how old are you?”

Caller #1: “I’m sixteen.”

Me: “What happened?”

Caller #1: “My dad went out of town for the weekend. He told me not to touch his boat but I had some friends over and—”

Me: “…and you wanted to show off and you did something?”

Caller #1: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, what did you do; maybe I can help you?”

Caller #1: “Well, we were in the backyard and I got up on the boat and started it and it ran great for a few minutes and then when I tried to rev it, it made a clunk sound, smoke poured out, and now it won’t start.”

Me: “Wait, you ran it on a trailer in the backyard? It wasn’t in water?”

Caller #1: “Yeah. What do I do? My dad is going to be furious.”

Me: “You need to call an adult relative and get them to come over with you.”

Caller #1: “Why?”

Me: “Because you are dead meat. Your father is going to kill you. You blew the motor.”

Caller #1: “What?! Can’t you fix it?”

Me: “NO. You overheated it. The reason boats need to be in the water is because it sucks in water to use to cool the engine. You ran it OUT of water so there was nothing to cool the engine. You overheated it and blew it.”

Caller #1: “But you can fix it, right?”

Me: “No, you will have to buy a new motor.”

Caller #1: “How much? I have a bank account.”

Me: “The motor you described will cost $6,000.”

(At this point he starts crying and begging me to help him and fix the motor. I tell him I am sorry; there is nothing to be done except call a relative and be a man and tell his father the truth, and next time listen to his father. Two days later I get a call:)

Me: “Good morning; how may I help you?”

Caller #2: “Yeah, my dumb-a** son ran my boat in the yard, and overheated and blew the motor. I need to know the cost of a new motor so I can let him know how long he is going to have to work to pay it off.”

(I was glad to hear the kid would live.)

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All Pumped Up For The Wrong Reasons

| MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Transportation

(I work as a cashier at a pre-pay only gas station. Many customers don’t know we’re a pre-pay only station and frequently insert the nozzle into their car expecting us to turn on the gas for them, which we cannot do. The customer in this story has just tried to pump without paying and we’ve informed him over the intercom that he needs to come inside to pre-pay. He comes in moments later looking annoyed.)

Customer: “Why do I have to pre-pay?”

Me: “Sorry about the inconvenience; it’s store policy. How much would you like to pump?”

Customer: “I just want to fill it.”

Me: “In order to pre-pay we need a dollar amount of gas that you want to pay.”

Customer: “I don’t know how much I need; I just want to fill it.”

Me: “Yeah, but we don’t know how much it will take to fill your car. Just guess how much gas you need and if you don’t end up pumping it all into the tank you can come back in and get your change.”

Customer: “I don’t want to have to come back in. I just don’t see why I have to pre-pay. Is this such a bad neighbourhood that you get people driving off a lot?”

(I start to try and tell him the policy has to do with how our store is arranged, we can’t see the pumps well enough from the store to determine if someone drove off without paying, but before I can say that he interrupts.)

Customer: “Can’t I just give you my keys and you turn on the pump for me?”

(At this point my manager who is close by steps in to tell him we can’t do that and that he needs to pre-pay an amount before we can turn on the pumps, which he does but as he’s leaving he says:)

Customer: “This is ridiculous, I don’t want to have to come back in for my change. It’s supposed to be a convenience store; this isn’t convenient.”

(He starts pumping his gas, and as he’s doing so my manager comments on how annoying it is when customers do this.)

Manager: “And you know the ironic thing is that if he left his keys in here, he would still have to come back in to get them.”

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Getting Tender Over Legal Tender

| Dublin, Ireland | Criminal & Illegal, Money, Transportation

(A customer pulls up and fills their tank with petrol, €55 worth.)

Customer: “Pump five, please.” *places a €500 note on the counter*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t accept a €500 Euro note. Would you perhaps have a credit card?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Why can’t you accept it? It is legal tender!”

Me: “I do not have enough change in my till to provide you with. Also, as it is over 20% of the value of your purchase, I can refuse to accept this as payment.”

Customer: “But it is legal tender.”

Me: “Sir, if I could provide you with the change I would; however, it is not possible. Do you not have a credit card you could use?”

Customer: “No! This is outrageous.”

(The cycle of discussion continues where I try to remain as polite and calm with the customer as possible.)

Me: “Perhaps there is someone you could call and I can accept payment over the phone?”

Customer: “I’m going to drive away if you will not accept my money!”

Me: “As I have explained, sir, I cannot accept this as payment as I do not have the change to give you. I would if I could but I’m sorry, I don’t.”

Customer: “I’m going to leave now.”

Me: *I turn away to look out the window and take down the reg of his car* “Sir, if you leave the forecourt without paying I will be forced to call the Guards.” *police*

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “As you have not paid for the petrol it would be theft.”

Customer: *muttering in anger they storm out*

(The next customer steps up and I ask if he wouldn’t mind waiting a moment while I look out to the car. After a moment I notice no movement so I begin to serve the next customer, however mid transaction the customer storms in.)

Customer: “Here!” *throws the money at me and I have to kneel to pick it up, as the customer is storming out*

Me: “See you, sir! Have a nice day!”

Customer: *stops turns glaring at me* “What did YOU say to me!?”

Me: “I said ‘See you, sir! Have a nice day!’”

Customer: “Mind your f****** business!” *storms out*

(Everyone in the store begins to laugh as I resume to serve the next customer.)

Customer #2: “I don’t know how you kept a straight face.”

Me: “The nicer I got, the angrier he got. What a d***-head. Sorry about that!”

(The other customers got a good chuckle out of it.)

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Doesn’t Give A Truck, Part 4

| USA | Crazy Requests, Time, Transportation

Customer: “Hey, I want to rent a truck for this weekend.”

Me: “All right, sir! Let me see what’s available!” *goes through the steps*

Customer: “I need a 20′ truck.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it looks like the 20′ is unavailable.”

Customer: “How can that be? I just drove by your place, and it’s full of trucks.”

Me: “Well, sir, they’ve been reserved for this weekend.”

Customer: “But they’re right there. I just saw them.”

Me: “Yes, sir, but customers have called in advance, kinda like what you’re doing now, and claimed them for the weekend.”

Customer: “So why are they still sitting on your lot?”

Me: “Well, sir, it’s Tuesday. They haven’t been reserved until this weekend.”

Customer: “Oh, so they’re not reserved yet! Well, why can’t you reserve one for me this weekend?”

Me: “…”

Related:
Doesn’t Give A Truck, Part 3
Doesn’t Give A Truck, Part 2
Doesn’t Give A Truck

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You Are The Reason We Need A Holiday

| Oslo, Norway | Holidays, Transportation

(I’m the owner of a small auto garage. In Norway it is common for most people to have their summer holiday in July. It’s also common that most businesses close down for the time, and so do we. I get a phone call on the 29th of June, two days before the summer holiday season.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m a customer at [Competing Garage] but they are closing for summer holiday on Friday and can not help me. Can you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are also closing on Friday and have more than enough to do serving our own customers.”

Customer: “Okay, do you know anyone that can help me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, my best advice is that you go to Yellow Pages –” *business register* “– and call around to see if anyone can help you.”

(The customer totally exploded and yelled at me.)

Customer: “Why the h*** is it so difficult to get some help with my car? It’s not a f****** human right to have holiday in July!”

Me: “What’s the rush? Why do you have to have your car serviced now?

Customer: “We are going on holiday this Friday!”

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