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Category: Tourists/Travel

Common Knowledge Has Deserted You

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, History, Tourists/Travel

(We get a lot of people from different countries or other states who know nothing about Texas.)

Tourist: “So is the Alamo like out in the desert or something?”

Me: “Oh, have ya’ll not been downtown yet? It’s pretty much smack dab in the middle of the city.”

Tourist: “What do you mean?”

Me: “It’s not like in the movie. The city has grown around it,. It’s actually one of the more boring missions that’s pretty much completely covered by urban sprawl. I you want to see more traditional missions you should try San Jose or the other ones in the National Park areas.”

(They’re silent for awhile while I guess they’re having trouble with the term ‘missions.’)

Tourist: “Where’s your desert, anyway?”

Me: “Um… Like, 400 miles west of here?”

Tourist: “So, we’re not in Texas yet?”

Making A Monumental Mistake

| Washington, DC, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(The Washington Monument is currently under construction due to an earthquake in 2011. It’s covered from top to bottom in scaffolding as workers make repairs. The ticket booth where you would normally buy tickets to ride the elevator to the top is, obviously, closed. I am walking by one day, and I notice a woman with three children standing at the booth, carrying a lot of tourist merchandise, and looking around in a semi-panic. She sees a park maintenance employee, and waves him over.)

Tourist: “Sir! Sir!”

Employee: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Tourist: “I’m trying to buy tickets for the Washington Monument, but there’s no one here.”

Employee: “Well, ma’am, the Monument is closed right now.”

Tourist: “No, no. The ticket booth is closed, but I want to buy tickets.”

Employee: “Sorry, I think you misunderstood. The monument is closed to the public for repairs. I don’t know when it will re-open, but it won’t be for a very long time.”

Tourist: “I can see the booth is closed, and I resent your condescending tone!”

Employee: “I meant no tone, ma’am. But the booth is closed because the Monument is closed.”

Tourist: “I’ll make this easy on you. I… want to go… up… there!”

(At this point, I have to step in and help this poor fellow who’s working outside in the heat and humidity and getting harassed by this crazy tourist and her now-crying children.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but maybe I can help here. The monument…” *I point at it* “…is closed and under construction. No one is allowed to go inside because it’s unsafe.”

Tourist: “What are you talking about? I see people up there right now!”

Me: “Those are construction workers.”

Tourist: “I don’t care who they are. I just want to buy some tickets. We traveled a long way to get here and I promised my children they could go up there!”

Me: “Well, maybe you should have checked before you got here.”

(She pulls out an old, beaten-up tourist map from her purse and waves it in my face.)

Tourist: “This said I could buy tickets!”

Me: “Right. Well, this map is from 2005. See? It has a picture of President Bush on it.”

Tourist: “Don’t you dare blame him! This is all Obama’s fault!”

No Vocation For Location, Part 9

| Folkestone, Kent, UK | Extra Stupid, Money, Tourists/Travel

(I am serving two customer, who are talking amongst themselves.)

Customer #1: “You off on holiday then?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, off to France. Need to get my money!”

Customer #1: “What do they use in France anyways?”

Me: *having overheard* “They use the Euro over there, madam.”

Customer #1: “Nah, they don’t! France ain’t in Europe! It’s just across the Channel!”

(Folkestone is a port on the English Channel separating the UK and France, and is just 26 miles away from the French town of Calais!)

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 8
No Vocation For Location, Part 7
No Vocation For Location, Part 6
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4