Category: Tourists/Travel

The Biggest Space Is Between Their Ears

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Tourists/Travel

(I work at a certain mountain based sci-fi rollercoaster in a magical themed park run by a mouse. Every night at 10 pm, we have a fireworks show. One night, I am standing at greeter position. Five minutes before the fireworks show; I am approached by a guest.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how could I be of assistance?”

Guest: “Yeah, could you tell me what’s in here?” *pointing at the building containing the rollercoaster*

Me: “Oh, yes, that’s [Space-themed Roller Coaster Mountain]. It’s an indoor rollercoaster. The wait time is currently—”

Guest: “Wait, so, it’s not for the fireworks?”

Me: “Afraid not. The fireworks will be visible from out here, though, if you wanted to see them.”

Guest: “I really thought there was some special viewing area up there for the fireworks.”

Me: *looking at the giant concrete structure with no platforms, windows, or balconies* “Unfortunately not, friend. In fact once inside you’ll be completely unable to see the fireworks, seeing as the whole thing is indoors.”

Guest: “Oh. Wait why are there people going in then?”

Me: “Well, they’re going in to ride the rollercoaster.”

Guest: “But the fireworks are about to start.”

Me: “They won’t be watching the fireworks.”

Guest: “But why? They start in five minutes!”

Me: “I guess they don’t want to see them then.”

Guest: *after a long pause* “Well, that’s really stupid, then.”

(Without any hesitation, the guest then proceeded to get in line for the ride, and walked into the building.)

More Likely To Fly With Honey Than Vinegar

| Houston, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Tourists/Travel

(My wife and I are at the airport to fly out on vacation. The weather has gotten bad, and every single flight in has been delayed. We are waiting in line to talk to a ticket agent about when our flight will be in. There’s a businessman in front of us.)

Agent: “I’m sorry, sir, but every flight in the airport is delayed. I can’t get you on anything sooner than two hours from now.”

Businessman: “That’s not acceptable! I’m very important!”

(This goes on for several minutes, and the businessman finally steps away from the agent’s counter in a huff.

My Wife: *stepping up to the agent* “On behalf of ourselves and the entire human population, I’d like to apologize for him!”

Agent: “That’s nice of you to say! Thank you!”

(We get our new flight information for a flight on our original airline. It’s about four hours after our flight was originally scheduled. We walk away from the counter. After about 30 seconds, we are paged back to the counter.)

Agent: “I’ve found you a flight on [Competitor’s Airline]. It leaves in about 1½ hours. Thanks again!”

(Just proves the old adage about catching more flies with honey than vinegar…)

If You Fail To Plan…

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

Me: “Sir, in order for you to travel to Indonesia without a visa, you need to show proof to Immigration that you will leave the country within 90 days. Otherwise I would not be able to give you a boarding pass today.”

Passenger: “I might go to Vietnam or Singapore, but I’m not sure yet.”

Me: “Sir, is it possible that you buy a ticket now? To anywhere out of Indonesia.”

Passenger: “How am I supposed to buy a ticket when I don’t know where I’m going to?”

Me: “Sir, buying a ticket doesn’t mean you’re using it.”

Passenger: “But what date? I don’t even know when I will leave.”

Me: “Sir, you can buy a ticket with an open date or change the date later.”

Passenger: “Like I said, I don’t know when and where I’m going to leave Bali. I’m a person that doesn’t make plans!”

Delayed Reaction

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Technology, Tourists/Travel

Passenger: “Why is there nobody to inform me about the delay?! I came all the way from San Francisco and now that I’m here you tell me there is a delay!”

Me: “Sir, some people sign up for email alert from the airport or the airlines for possible delays.”

Passenger: “Who are those ‘some people’?! I talked to everyone here! Nobody knew about the delay before!”

Me: “Sir, those people who have signed up and received an alert wouldn’t even bother to come to the airport. People are here because they did not sign up and did not know there is a delay.”

You Mexi-Can’t Say Things Like That

| FL, USA | Bigotry, Tourists/Travel

(I work for a third-party passport expediting company. A customer calls me PANICKING because she has a trip coming up the very next day to go to Mexico, and she just now realized she needs a passport. As we discuss her options, it becomes apparent that she does not have the documentation necessary to even obtain a passport.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but without the necessary documentation you cannot get a passport. And you must have a passport to travel internationally.”

Caller: “But… come on! Is anyone really going to ID me? I’m white.”