Category: Tourists/Travel

To Them Immigrants Are A One-Way Street

| Los Cabos, Mexico | Bigotry, Tourists/Travel

(My friends and I are traveling to Cabo San Lucas for a bachelorette party at a resort. While on the plane, the flight attendants repeatedly make announcements to all the guests (both verbally walking down the halls and over the PA) that they have to fill out two forms in order to get through the international airport. One is for customs and one for immigration. They also state if we lose the bottom portion of our custom forms we will be fined $50 USD and if we do not fill out everything to completion we will be charged an additional $50 USD fee. They made these announcements for a good thirty minutes before we land. Upon arrival, we are all waiting in line for immigration. There is a middle-aged couple in front of me who I recognize was on the same flight as I was. They go up to the customs agent with a blank form.)

Customs Agent: “Excuse me, señor, señora, please step to the left and fill out your form before moving back to the line.”

Wife: “WHAT?! WHY DO WE HAVE TO FILL OUT THIS FORM? I’M NOT F****** FILLING IT OUT! I’M F****** AMERICAN! I’M NOT AN IMMIGRANT!”

Customs Agent: “Señora, we are in Mexico, not America; you will need to fill out the form and return to the line.”

Wife: “THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! I REFUSE TO BE TREATED LIKE AN IMMIGRANT! I’M F****** AMERICAN! DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?!”

(The lady is causing such a ruckus that it is holding up the line, as every other customs agent and traveler has stopped what they are doing to stare. Someone several feet behind us in line shouts:)

Other Passenger: “For f*** sake, lady, move out of the way so the ones who paid attention can f****** leave!”

(Eventually her husband, who was silent the whole time, maneuvers her off to the left to fill out the form all the while she’s screaming about being an American and not needing to go through customs and how no one told her she was required to fill out the form. I thought that was the one and only idiot who wasn’t paying attention until the bride in our party came up to me several minutes later looking confused and saying “Hey, did you know you have to fill out the whole form?!”)

They’re Talking Gumbo-Jumbo

| SC, USA | Bizarre, Tourists/Travel

Caller: “Hello, I am a travel planner looking for some information for a client of mine and I was wondering if you could help me.”

Me: “I certainly can. What information do you need?”

Caller: “Do you know where they might hold Mardi Gras celebrations?”

(This throws me off a bit, as Mardi Gras isn’t a big thing around here at all, and anyway it had already happened the week before.)

Me: “I don’t see anything on our events calendar. Since Mardi Gras already happened I don’t think we’d see any events until next year, and our members don’t usually plan them so far ahead.”

Caller: *confused, but still pleasant* “All right. Also… do you know of any Cajun churches?”

Me: “Er… we don’t have a huge Cajun culture around here. We do have a significant Gullah Geechee community, but they don’t really have churches that are open to visitors.”

Caller: *silence*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Caller: “Did I call [My City]?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “I meant to call New Orleans. I am so sorry.”

(We had a good laugh and I was able to give her some information about the city I actually work for. Still one of the best calls I’ve ever gotten.)

Your Scam Tactics Need An Upgrade

, | Miami, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

(I work at the counter to check in passengers and I get stupid people all the time but this one takes the cake.)

Me: “Welcome to [Airline]. How can I help?”

Passenger: “Yes, I like to check in to [Destination] and also I’d like to do an upgrade, I have a doctor’s note that says I have to fly in first or business class.”

(I smile and laugh a little because I thought he was joking around but I see how serious he is and doesn’t find my laughing amusing.)

Passenger: “I don’t know what’s so funny; I have doctor’s note, so be more professional and do your job.”

Me: *after hearing that I put on a serious face and then reply* “Okay, sir, I have an upgrade available for $389. How would you like to purchase that?”

Passenger: “Don’t you understand that I have a doctor’s note?”

Me: *still with a serious face* “Well, sir, is your insurance going to cover this upgrade?”

Passenger: *with a confused face* “No, my, insurance doesn’t cover that.”

Me: “Well then, sir, you are going to have to do it like the rest of the country and pay out of your pocket.”

Slightly Bending (Over) The Truth

| Leiden, The Netherlands | Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I work at a visitor center, where I arrange the group activities. In the beginning of September, a customer booked a canal cruise in an open boat with her group of 30 participants. Almost two months later, I receive this e-mail from her:)

Customer: “I would like to give some feedback on our activity in September. During our canal cruise, the skipper of our boat was very clumsy because he collided several times against the wall.”

(I directly contacted thecruise company; the manager and I know each other very well. I send him the customer’s complaint by mail and I get an answer almost immediately:)

Manager: “Haha, yes, I remember this cruise and customer! Oh, my god, that this customer is blaming our skipper! During the cruise, the boat will pass a lot of bridges, so before passing one bridge, the whole group had to bend over because of the low bridge. One customer exaggerated while bending over and hit the throttle! You can guess what happened then…”

Having A Flight Of Fancy

| London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I work at a call centre for a well-known airline.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Airline]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to change my flight; reference is [random succession of numbers].”

Me: “Okay, the number you have provided is not a [Airline] reference. Did you book through a travel agent or third party website?”

Customer: “No, it’s actually a reference for [Different Airline]. Can’t you change it? You all fly planes anyway.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but we operate on an in-house system only used by this airline. I cannot change another airline’s booking through our system. You will need to call the airline direct. Would you like me to try and locate a number?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Where is your customer service? I have never had my intelligence insulted so badly. Where is your manager? I’ve done something wrong on my booking and it NEEDS to be changed. Change my booking now!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we are very busy today and our managers are busy dealing with customers of our airline. You will need to call the airline you made the booking with and they will be able to change it for you. Was there anything else?”

Customer: “I will write to your CEO and complain! This is ridiculous. Change my f****** booking right now or I’ll call your manager and get you fired! Where is your customer service, you uneducated p***k?! I am telling you right now, CHANGE MY BOOKING! You all fly F****** PLANES! YOU. FLY. PLANES. It can’t be that f****** hard! I am not calling another airline’s PREMIUM RATE NUMBER when your number is free and you can do it anyway!”

Me: “Ah, so the problem is you don’t want to pay. Well then, sir, in future I suggest checking the price to call before you make a mistake on a booking in future. Now if you don’t mind, I have customers of THIS airline to attend to. Goodbye.”

(I could almost feel him having a mini-aneurism through the phone, along with his white-hot rage at being wrong. Don’t you just love customers?!)

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