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Category: Tourists/Travel

Her Head Is Already In The Clouds

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(I’m a duty manager at a five-star hotel, which is part of an international chain. I’ve just been up to the top floor to let one of our highest tier loyalty program members into her room to find her passport she’d forgotten and we take the lift back down to the lobby together…)

Guest: “So if I’m going to Amsterdam what will they let me take with me?”

Me: “…Flying there?”

Guest: “Yeah! From Gatwick.”

Me: “O… kay… You mean like in your luggage?”

Guest: “Yeah, like, what type of bag?”

Me: “Oh!! Well that usually depends on the airline. Who are you flying with?”

Guest: “Jeanette.”

Me: *blank look*

Guest: “She’s my best friend.”

Me: “No…”

Blisteringly Stupid Question

| Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

Driver: *after the fill-up* “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Driver: “It’s about my husband. We were on the beach today and he got sunburned.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Driver: “What should I do to make him feel better?”

Me: “Well, aloe lotions are good. If it’s really painful, though, use lidocaine.”

Driver: “But he’s got blisters.”

Me: “Get him to the hospital! He’s got second-degree burns!”

Driver: “Oh, I couldn’t do that. He hates hospitals.”

Me: *stunned silence*

Getting Out Of Your Square Bubble

| USA | Bad Behavior, Tourists/Travel

(The bookstore is in a small, fairly quiet town and we frequently get people asking for directions. On this occasion, a 50ish-year-old lady and her husband come in.)

Customer: “I was wondering if I could get some directions? We are looking for the quilt square.”

Me: “Quilt square? I’m not sure what you are looking for. Is that a store?”

Customer: “No, it’s a piece of wood painted to look like a quilt. There are about 50 of them; they are hung up on the sides of buildings around the state. There is supposed to be one here.”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t know anything about that. I can look it up for you though.”

(I get on the internet and finally find the website. The whole time the customer is just chatting about how long it took her to find the square hanging on the barn. The only information I can find is that it is on a particular street.)

Me: “Okay, I found something. This says that it is on [Street].”

Customer: “Okay, but what building is it on?”

Me: “I am not sure. I am not familiar with that street but I know it is towards town.”

(The customer is starting to get frustrated for some reason, so I look up the street on Google Maps.)

Me: “If you take a right out of the store, it looks like the road is about five streets down.”

Customer: “But where is the square?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am really sorry, but I don’t know anything about the quilts. I can’t really tell you where it is because I have never seen it. If you go down the street, you will probably find it.”

(At this point, I am starting to lose my patience. She isn’t even a customer for my store.)

Customer: *grumbling to her husband* “I swear! These young people just don’t know how to get out of their bubbles! She’ll probably never leave [Small Town]!”

(I just let her leave without saying anything, but it still bugs me to this day. She assumed I don’t have any culture because I don’t know where a piece of wood is. I am not American, was born in Europe, and am not yet an American citizen. I have lived in multiple states in USA plus some of USA’s territories. I am probably more traveled than she is.)

A Weighty Party-Trick

| UK | At The Checkout, Money, Tourists/Travel

(My parents run a general grocery store on a camping/caravanning site. I am 15 and work there. When mum goes on her break and I am alone, I love to watch the shoppers as they walk around putting items in their basket. I know the price of every item in the store so I add it up in my head. When they come to pay I ‘heft’ the basket – as if I am weighing it – and then announce the price.)

Me: “That will be £4.22.”

Customer: *gives me an odd look*

(I enter the items into the till, and it comes to exactly the same price.)

Customer: *looks amazed, and silently hands over the money*

(I overhear the customer talk to their partner outside the shop.)

Customer: “Do you know what that young lad in the shop can do? Amazing!”

Her Learning Doesn’t Hold Much Coin

| MD, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Tourists/Travel

Me: “Your total is $10.60.”

Customer: *with an accent that sounds like she’s from around Manchester, England* “Okay, here’s a ten, and…” *pours her change on the counter and starts going through them* “…Is this twenty-five? No, this is five… and this is ten? No, this one’s twenty-five cents… How much is this one? Oh, I’m not good with this money. I can’t tell what anything is.”

Me: “No problem. I’ll count out sixty for you. So, are vacationing here in the USA?”

Customer: “No, I’ve lived here for ten years…”

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