Category: Tourists/Travel

Won’t Get Her Pie In The Sky

| WA, Australia | Food & Drink, Tourists/Travel

(I work in an Australian department store which has a food hall. An elderly customer approaches our bakery which sells fresh cakes and pies.)

Customer: “Hello, dearie, I’d like a steak and kidney pie.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t sell steak and kidney pies, but we do have a selection of others.”

(I proceed to read the selection to the customer.)

Customer: “I’ll have the beef and mushroom pie, then.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

Customer: “Can you pack it well? I want to take it on the plane.”

Me: “The plane?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m flying back to London today.”

Me: “You want to take a fresh pie with meat products in it on an international flight back to England?”

Customer: “Yes, of course.”

Me: “You can’t take food that isn’t sealed out of the country and into another one.”

Customer: “Of course I can. Just sell me the pie”

(I sold the customer the pie and I still wonder how far she made it before customs stopped her.)

They’re Un-bear-able

| Gatlinburg, TN, USA | Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(My sister and I work in a store that is located in a tourist town just outside the Smoky Mountain National Park.)

Customer: “We want to see the bears.”

(Black bears are a very popular part of the wildlife in the National Park and area. They actually come to my house all of the time.)

Me: “Well, you can go up to Ober Gatlinburg where they have a bear pen.”

Customer: “Oh, no, we want to see them in the wild.”

Me: “That’ll be hard to arrange…”

Customer: “Say, what time do they let the bears out in the park?”

Me: “They don’t let them out. They are wild animals. They come whenever they want to.”

Customer: “Then how can we see them?”

Me: “Well, you could drive around Mt Leconte and get lucky. Or you could just leave your garbage out on your front porch and wait. They’ll come.”

Accentuating The Problem, Part Trois

| France | Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I’m on one of those 12-countries-in-8-days bus trip through Europe. Our group, mostly composed of Americans, pulls into a gift shop. Behind the counter, a young French girl, apparently new to the job, is excited to be able to practice her English. As a Canadian, it is also a chance for me to practice my French. We’ve been able to communicate pretty well and I tell her that her English is quite good. She is delighted.  An old Southern gentleman walks up the counter, places an item in front of the clerk.)

Customer: “Emma chizzit?” *how much is it?*

(The clerk just stares, crestfallen. She is not even sure that her customer is speaking English, much less what he means.)

Me: “Qu’elle prix?” *what price?*

(And the clerk bubbles back to life, able to answer the customer in, again, decent English!)


Accentuating The Problem, Part Deux
Accentuating The Problem

Employees Who Have Spirit

| GA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money, Tourists/Travel

(I am a hotel concierge, and a few customers are talking about the prices of late-night ghost tours of the city.)

Customer: “What’s the price of [Tour #1]?”

Me: “That one is [Expensive Price], and it’s inside an air-conditioned trolley that goes through most of downtown.”

Customer: “What’s the price of [Tour #2?]”

Me: “That one’s [Cheap Price], and it’s a walking tour inside of a graveyard. There’s also a tour in a modified hearse that’s [Cheaper Price], and it’s the most economical.”

Customer: “Well, what tour can I get for two dollars?”

(Most of the prices are over twenty dollars, and my mother has a strange way of dealing with customers that try to lowball the prices.)

Me: “For two dollars, I’ll take your family into the bathroom, turn off the lights, and go ‘WoooOOOooooOOO!’ like a ghost.”

A Runway Runaway

| Louisburg, NC, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

(I work at a small airport in Louisburg. We don’t have many commercial planes fly in but when we do they are normal small bush planes with only a few people on board. We have had a runway problem and can’t let any planes take off today, as the runway is having work done.)

Pilot: “Excuse me, but why has my flight been canceled?”

Me: “We are having a problem with our runway and can’t take any flights today.”

Pilot: “Well, that’s bull-s***. I was just out there and it was fine.”

Me: “I’m sorry but as you can see…” *points out to runway with workers* “There are people working on it today.”


Me: “Sir, I’m very sorry but I cannot let you through. Can you please calm down; I will be able to get you in the air first thing tomorrow.”

Pilot: “No, I’ve had enough of you. Out of my WAY!”

(He then pushed me out of the way and onto the floor and started to walk over to the hanger. I scrambled to my feet and called the workers and my supervisor to tell them what was coming, and called the police. The other worker and I sprinted over to the hanger and managed to get the hanger door closed before he could start the plane. After a while the police came and took him away, as he was going to try and take off with people working on the runway!)

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