Category: Top

Retort Against Those Who Extort

| Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers, Top

(My mother is in her 70s, and is shopping at a thrift store when she spots a beautiful bamboo bookcase.)

Clerk: “Hi. Do you need some help?”

Mom: “I am interested in the shelf, but have to go home first and do some measuring.”

Clerk: “No problem; I’ll make sure it’s still here when you get back.”

(After getting home, measuring, and seeing it will fit, she calls me to ask if I can go with her to pick it up if it was still there. We get to the store, where she walks over to the bookshelf and shows me. About a second later, a customer immediately walks up to us.)

Customer: “I’m actually buying this shelf… but how much would you be willing to give me NOT to buy this?”

(My mom and I looked at each other in disbelief, and before I can even think of what to say to this idiot, the clerk from earlier immediately steps in:)

Clerk: “Sorry, sir. This lady was here earlier and was going to buy it, but she had to run home and take measurements first.”.

Customer: “Well, that’s not fair. I was just ready to buy this!”

Clerk: “Sorry. She gets first pick.”

Mom: *looking at the customer with a big grin* “And I decided I’ll take it.”

Clerk: *with an even bigger grin* “Let me go ahead and ring you up, and you also get a senior discount!”

(We spent the next few minutes cashing out while the customer just stood there and stared at us the whole time, and then stood out in the parking lot and kept staring at us (with a butt-hurt look) while I loaded it on the car, pausing here and there to give him a big ‘f*** you’ grin. Thank you, awesome clerk, for putting that a**-hole in his place for trying to extort money from the elderly!)

De-Engineering Stereotypes

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Bigotry, Technology, Top

(I am an engineer working the tech support line. I should also add that I’m the only female engineer in a department of all male engineers. I answer a support call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling the engineering support line. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to talk to an engineer.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your question?”

Customer: “Well, I’d like to tell it to an engineer.”

Me: “No problem, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want to speak directly to the engineer.”

Me: “Sir, I’m an engineer.”

Customer: “You are?!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “But… you’re a girl!”

Me:  *in a Valley Girl voice* “‘Ohmygosh, I know! Isn’t that amazing?”

Building Up Abuse About The Building

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Top

(I work as maintenance coordinator for a property management company. I get a call from a nearly 30-year-old tenant’s mother.)

Me: “Hello, This is [My Name]. How can I help—”

Mother: “You listen here. I am going to sue the living s*** out of you and you negligent company unless you fix the issues in my son’s apartment!”

Me: “I’ll do everything I can. What is the—”

Mother: “Well, YOU have already been doing ALL that YOU can. Maybe I need to talk to someone else, cause all you can do is f*** all!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m more than happy to assist you in any way I can but I will stop this conversation if you continue to be abusive. What is the add—”

Mother: “I’M BEING ABUSIVE?! You take my money EVERY MONTH so my son can live in that s***-hole! Breathing in mold, dealing with rats and roaches! WHAT ABOUT THE GOD-D*** HOLE IN THE CEILING?! Don’t you think that’s abusive!?”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no knowledge of any unit having any of these problems but for me to help I need the address—”

Mother: “YOU HAVE NO F****** KNOWLEDGE?! LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

(At this point I lose my patience.)

Me: “Ma’am, did you sign the lease for your son or were you present for the signing of the lease?”

Mother: “No, I did not, but what the h*** does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “It MEANS I legally do not have to talk you. NO ONE here has to, and if you continue to be this abrasive on the phone, I will advise the property manager to evict your adult son from his unit. I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT! Now, PLEASE, if you want me to help I need the ADDRESS!”

Mother: “Fine, it’s [address].”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t even manage that building. It’s managed by [Other Management Company].”

Mother: “Well, then, how do I get ahold of them?”

Me: “Let me Google that for you. ” *hangs up phone*