Category: Top

The Silver (Bra) Lining

| Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

(I am a female nurse in a clinic and I share my shift with a rather handsome male nurse. On this particular day, a middle-aged regular patient comes in.)

Patient: “Hi, I’m here for my breast examination.”

Me: “Great, just follow me inside the examination room for your test.”

Patient: “Are you going to perform the test?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

Patient: “Oh, I was hoping that the other nurse would do it.”

Me: “Well, I could ask him if you want me to.”

Patient: “Yeah, do that. Tell him I’m looking forward to it!”

Me: “Uh, okay! But I really think that you’ll be more comfortable if–”

Patient: “Let him touch me!”

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5

| Evansville, IN, USA | Books & Reading, Top

(I am checking out at a local book store and the clerk recognizes my book, Howl’s Moving Castle, and decides to make conversation. There’s another customer behind me in line. She’s in her mid-40s.)

Clerk: “Oh, I loved this movie, but I didn’t realize it was a book!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites! The book is so much better than the movie. It gives a whole new perspective on everything!”

Clerk: “Then I’ll be sure to check it–”

Customer behind me: *eyes full of excitement* “Are you talking about Twilight?”

Clerk and me, together: “NO.”

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

Unlimited Cluelessness Plan

| NY, USA | Technology, Top

(A woman comes storming through the doors. She blasts by other customers who are waiting in line and slams her phone onto the counter.)

Me: “Is there something I can–”

Customer: “This phone you sold me is a piece of s***!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. What exactly is wrong with it?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work! I can’t get any calls on it!”

Me: “Let me take a look.”

(I pick up the phone and begin to examine it as the woman continues to rant and rave.)

Customer: “I paid a ridiculous amount of money for this thing! I can’t believe you would charge me so much for something that doesn’t even work! What is the world coming to? Have you no shame? Do you do this to all your customers?”

Me: “I think I see the problem, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes? And?”

Me: “This is a TV remote.”

(All the other customers are watching, dead silent.)

Customer: *mutters* “I…I think I must have…grabbed the wrong…”

(She snatches her remote and flees the store. As soon as she disappears, the entire store bursts into laughter.)