Category: Top

Reading Is Infectious

| Melbourne, Australia | Health & Body, Top

(A customer is returning a large pile of overdue books – about 90 for the entire family. She’s waiting while I process them in order to pay the fine.)

Me: “Well, they’re not very overdue. It’s just that there’s a lot of them.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry they’re late.”

(I scan the last few books.)

Me: “Okay, over the three cards, there’s $50 in fines, but I’ll halve that to $25 as they’re not too late.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks so much. I just couldn’t get them in as we’ve all had scarlet fever.”

(I look at the pile of books, every one of which I have handled.)

Me: “Oh…”

Never Coming Backflow To This Place

| Minden, NV, USA | Movies & TV, Top

(I am cleaning the lobby in the theater when a female customer comes out of the restroom. She goes to use the drinking fountain. As with most businesses, the restrooms are located right next to the fountain.)

Customer: *aghast* “This is disgusting!”

Me: “Is there something wrong with the tap, ma’am? We do clean it often but I haven’t made it over there yet this round.”

Customer: “No, it is lovely. You do a fine job. It was just horrible!”

Me: “If there is nothing wrong, why was it horrible?”

Customer: “Because when I was drinking the water, I heard a toilet flush in the restroom and it made the water pressure go down!”

Me: “Well, yes. The plumbing is connected as they both draw from the–”

Customer: “That water that I was drinking? A minute later, if I hadn’t come along, it would have been used to flush someone’s waste? That is so disgusting! I can’t believe it!”

Me: “Well, would you rather the water pressure went up when you heard the flush?”

(The customer takes a step back and looks confused. Suddenly, the implication of my statement reaches her nearly hysterical mind and she flees the building with a look of horror on her face.)

Practice What You Preach (Please)

| Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I’m serving a mother and her two children.)

Me: “Are you ready to order?”

Mother: “Tell the lady what you would like.”

Son: “I’ll have the chicken fingers.”

Mother: “Say please!”

Son: *sheepishly* “Please.”

Mother: “And what would you like?”

Daughter: “A hot dog!”

Mother: “Say please!”

Daughter: “Please.”

Mother: “And I’ll have the fried clams.”

(She never did say “please”.)