Category: Top

My Head Megahertz

, | Henderson, NV, USA | Technology, Top

Customer: “I need a new laptop. I want one better than the one I have. I want to spend no more than 600 dollars.”

(After finding out that he has a machine running Windows 98 with 512 MB of RAM and 60 GB of hard drive space, I provide him several different laptop choices within his price range. They have either 3 GB or 4 GB of RAM, running Windows 7.)

Customer: “No, no, no! I said better! I have 512 memory, but you keep recommending only 3 and 4! Also, 7 is way lower than 98! Get me someone who knows what I mean by better!”

Time To Sing Jailhouse Rock

| Saskatchewan, Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Top

(My primary job is delivering pizzas, but I’m also the lead vocalist in a metal band that’s popular in the local area. We’re not well known much further than that. We recently played a show where we also sold a small amount of merchandise.)

Me: *handing pizzas to customer* “That’ll be $35.”

(The customer hands me the money. I notice that he’s wearing a hoodie with our band’s name and logo on it.)

Me: “Nice hoodie!”

Customer: “Yeah, man! I was at the show last weekend.”

Me: “Awesome, how’d you like it?”

Customer: “They’re wicked, man! I feel kinda bad for taking this hoodie right of off the wall.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Were you there, too?”

Me: “Yes, I was the one holding the microphone.”

The Terrors Of Terminology

| Guildford, Surrey, England, UK | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(People have all sorts of names for the sides, or temples, of spectacle frames. I have heard them called “legs”, “props”, “wings”, and “crutches”, among other things. A very strident woman marches into our practice with her teenage daughter in tow.)

Customer: *loudly* “I want you to spread my daughter’s legs. They won’t go behind her ears.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer’s daughter: *speechless and cringing with embarrassment*

Related:
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation