Category: Top

Ketchup Me Right Or Don’t Ketchup Me At All

, | Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

(I am a manager at a popular fast food restaurant and currently serving customers in the drive thru. I have a headset on to hear what customers are saying at the speaker.)

Coworker: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I just came through here and got small fries, and I got NO ketchup! I want new fries WITH ketchup!”

Coworker: “Okay, sorry about that ma’am. Just pull to the second window and our manager will help you.”
(I prepare the new fries and put them in a bag, and make sure to grab a handful of ketchup packets to accompany them as she comes up to my window.)

Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am! Here you are. The fries just came up!”

Customer: “How can you give someone fries with no ketchup!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am! Have a good day!”

(Thinking that would be the end of ketchupgate, I resume my other regular duties. Ten minutes later, the same woman, now irate, storms into the lobby and up to the counter with her food bag in hand.)

Me: “Hi there, ma’am, is there anything I can help you with?”

(She overturns her empty bag and several unopened ketchup packets spill onto the counter.)

Customer: “You gave me nine ketchup packets for one small fries?!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You gave me NINE KETCHUP PACKETS for ONE small fries! Are you trying to be smart?!”

Me: “Ma’am, didn’t you return to the drive thru for the sole reason of getting ketchup?”

Customer: “But NINE ketchup packets?!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I suppose I just wasn’t aware of how much ketchup you wanted.”

Customer: “I demand to speak with your manager!”

(I look at my uniform and then the surrounding crew members’ uniforms. My uniform is quite clearly different from all others.)

Me: “I am the only manager on duty, ma’am.”

Customer: “YOU’RE the manager?!”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And you gave me NINE packets of ketchup?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well what do you have to say for yourself?”

Me: “I suppose I am pleased to know that I was able to go above and beyond your expectations for ketchup sustenance.”

Customer: *storms off muttering incoherently*

Donuts Or Donuts, There Is No Try

| Manila, Philippines | Food & Drink, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Five boxes, dozen donuts each, right now.”

Me: “Okay, is there any specific–”

(Suddenly, I hear a woman screaming in the background.)

Woman: “Donuts! NOW!”

(The caller gets back on the phone.)

Caller: “Whatever flavors you have. Five dozen donuts A-S-A-motherf***ing-P!”

Me: “Um, alright, that’ll be [price]. How much change should our deliveryman bring?”

Caller: “I will give your delivery guy all the money I have in the house! Just get him here before my wife sits on me and hits me with the freakin’ remote control!”

Don’t Tell The Methodists

| Texas, USA | Religion, Top

Customer: “I’d like 50 Christmas stamps, please.”

Me: “What denomination?”

Customer: *befuddled* “Oh, my, has it come to this? Um, give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 of the Baptists.”