Category: Top

One Good Takeout Deserves Another

| New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

(A few years ago, around noon on Christmas day, several dozen Chinese people walked in to our Kosher deli-style restaurant, apparently in a group. One walked up to the front desk.)

Man: *softly* “Is it okay if we’re here?”

Hostess: “Yes, we serve everyone, but are you sure you’re in the right place?”

Man: “This is [Restaurant], right?”

Hostess: “Yes, sir, it is.”

Man: “Well, we figured since you Jews are all coming to our restaurants tonight, we’d return the favor.”

Hostess: *slightly shocked* “Thanks. Right this way… We’ll seat you!”

(…and they’ve been back every year since!)

Folie A Deux

| Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I am working in the men’s department when a well-dressed, handsome man comes up with a few pairs of pants. Most of them are one size, while one or two are one size larger than that.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “I see here that these are one size larger than the others. Did you need the two different sizes?”

Customer: *sheepishly* “Yes, actually, I do.”

Me: “I was just checking. Sometimes clothes don’t get put back in the proper piles and sizes get mixed up.” *continues ringing him up* “Are you purchasing these as a gift? We can provide you with a gift box.”

Customer: “Oh, no, both sizes are for me.” *leans in to whisper* “You see, I need one size for most of the time, and another for… that time of the month.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Don’t judge me! My wife cooks fattier foods for a whole week when…you know! It’s like Thanksgiving every night for a week!”

Me: “Oh, wow. I can’t imagine what she’s like while pregnant.”

Customer: *visibly pales* “I hadn’t thought of that. Oh, no. I can’t have that happen! I’ll get FAT!”

The 99%

| Palm Bay, FL, USA | Top

(Usually, I cashier at my store. It is slow, so I am called to work on the floor.)

Customer: *recognizing me* “Oh, hey, I didn’t know you worked on the floor!”

Me: “It’s slow, so they put me to work out here.”

Customer: “I’m surprised they didn’t just send you home. This place is a graveyard at this time!”

Me: *laughing* “Afraid they don’t do that. If you have a pulse and can stand in one place, you’re good for work!”

Customer: “But you do go home right?”

Me: *jokingly* “Home? No, they have a big cage in the back where they lock us up overnight until they need us again.”

Customer: *horrified* “Well, I never! I’m never shopping here again if they use slaves!” *storms away before I can say I am only kidding*

(My shift ends and I’m leaving. I overhear the managers talking.)

Manager #1: “Some woman called to complain about our slaves.”

Manager #2: *grinning* “Dang, how’d she find out about that?!”